I Have Never Felt Ready

Not once, have I ever felt ready to be with someone. I have lost count of the amount of men I have dated, the amount of men I have got to the 'seeing' one another stage then how many times I have ran for the hills screaming.

I have never had a problem meeting men or dating. It has always come easy for me. I enjoy the getting to know one another stage and the thrill of dating. When it gets to the point that they don't want to just casually see me anymore, I feel like I force myself to like them and I force myself to take it to the next level. Not once have I suggested taking it to the next level, I have never felt like that is what I truly wanted and that I was ready for. When we do go to the next level, I last a about 3 months before I dump them. I seem to cause some argument and use that as an excuse to leave them.

When I think of being with the same person forever and losing my freedom, it makes me feel terrified and sick to the stomach.

I want to be that girl who finds a decent guy and sticks with him. I have been with decent guys who could have gave me everything, if I didn't push them away. I feel alone.
Ella420 Ella420
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 16, 2013

Hiya Ella,
I see your stories are a year old, so I won't waste a longer msg here.
But I have had would be gfs and lovers 55 yrs younger than me. Two, in particular were very beautiful and talented, and one of those, quite well known. I am in a closed marriage, closed from my wife's point of view, and it was always distance that stopped us meeting as friends and lovers.
If you want an ancient, just to chat to, I'm here.
Peter xx