I Have Major Commitment PhobiaI have just come to the break through realization that I have a major commitment phobia problem, regarding life(decision making) work and job's. love as well but i want to talk about the work job aspect of it. I would love to hear from others that are going through this as well especially relating to work or job.
Ive lived in NYC for over 12 years, and i remember one year i think i moved 3 times. I lived in so many neighborhoods in Brooklyn, Queens, and Manhattan. Many of them for only a couple of months, because i am afraid it won't last and in turn i don't put in effort in making my apartment a home. So in a way ive already made that decision myself, and sabotaged my living situations already. A big reason for moving, is because of finances. I have never been able to hold down a FT job, Ive been freelancing since 2003 and have worked at more then 30 companies! I was hired my first FT job at one company 3 years ago but lost it because of my fear to commit(it wasn't exactly what i wanted to do and i was a no show one day) and that was only 2 months into it. I was offered a FT position at a a different place i had been freelancing at for 4 months, but because my tardiness, they wanted to wait another 2 months i had to prove myself and step up to the plate as a team pla
I wonder if my fear is rooted back in 1990 when my dad got laid off his well paying job that he liked(he was the only one), and has never had a good paying job since. He settled for whatever job he could get, and was never happy with any of them. I think that is my deep rooted fear I don't want to be like that so i have a problem committing but in turn I am really hurting myself, struggling all the time scraping the bottom of the barrel, because i don't want to be stuck in a job i don't care for, even if the money is good...so i stop the wheels when they have barely even gone in to motion.
I have a new job interview for a company I don't really care for, but money and stability will be really really good, I love my apartment ive been living in for 4 months now and don't want to loose it so i need a stable income I'm scared though because even in my apartment I have artwork but it's just leaning against the wall, I haven't even been able to commit enough to hang anything on the walls. This job, though it's not a dream job in any way, and i probably won't relate to my co-workers, will give me stability
,health care and I can start going to a gym(another commitment that i still haven't been able to uphold but have wanted to do for years), and that is want I need and want! I want to get married and have a kid...The longest relationship i had was 3 1/2 years but that ended 8 years ago... since it's just been a 10 month relationship, a "he's perfect for now" lover like relations, and dating...I have commitment issues in all aspects of my life. But i think the job and work one is my biggest hurdle
I guess why i'm writing all this, (which is a commitment in itself. i have to say i had to pep talk myself into doing this, i'm better at talking then writing) besides the fact it's a therapeutic to put this in writing I'm sure there are other people out there that understand or can relate to some degree. I'm looking for support I need to kick this thing I'm in my early 30's I need to overcome my commitment phobia, and so this year of 2013 I am committing myself to beating this, and any advice or guidance will be most enthusiastically excepted.
Thanks for actually taking the commitment to read my ramblings.