I Can't Commit to Anything In Life

I have commitment problems in relationships and with places. I can't seem to stay in one place physically or emotionally long enough to forge anything of real value. I love people, but can't stay, because i'm always on the move, I relocate about every six months, because i can't resist that road calling me over the next hill. I think that i'm either chasing something or running away from something

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25 Responses Feb 15, 2009

I'm 46 and have same problem. Is there medds for this

Anyone still out there? LOL. I see this post is old but it sure is so good to see that there are other people dealing with the same problem as me. I can't commit to jobs or places to live. I'm back in school again. Signing leases or contracts totally freaks me out. I'm 22 and considering divorce after 2 year of marriage.. I thought my marriage would be the exception...anyone else married/divorced and have these issues? how did you handle it?

I am going to be 38 and have moved 33 times in my life. I have been married and had countless relationships that I have left, some for no reason, some for many. For the last 5 years I have chosen NOT to run anymore. After times goes by and so many moves, so many relationships, jobs, I started to realize it isn't those things, it is just me. I am uncomfortable staying in one spot, one person, one job because it gets boring. I had to ask what is behind that boredom....why can I not just be at peace. I come from an abusive back ground and for me, running was the only way to prevent being hurt and to prevent feeling emotions I didn't want to feel so I made a promise to myself I would never allow that. When the silence comes in, the boredom I get antsy, and need change. So now instead of leaving, I sit with that discomfort and face it and I understand, it is just my feelings I am running from. For you it may be different, but perhaps looking at the discomfort behind it and sitting with it might give you answers. Facing ourselves is very scary sometimes, but it is necessary.

I am naturally nomadic and love adventure, but I schedule that now. I take two vacations a year and leave town once every month if I can to stay with a friend out of town. I do things for me and I find I especially want to run if I am not caring for myself properly. I have to have things to do that feed my inner kid, like watching fun movies, taking off for a day and going for a drive. For me I know that no matter where I go it will never be far enough, and no matter who I am with they will get dull, that is life, that is part of living. We take the good with the bad and learn to endure. In the mean time I just make sure if I get antsy I get a break and have some fun.

Anyone still out there? LOL. I see this post is old but it sure is so good to see that there are other people dealing with the same problem as me. I can't commit to jobs or places to live. I'm back in school again. Signing leases or contracts totally freaks me out. I'm 22 and considering divorce after 2 year of marriage.. I thought my marriage would be the exception...anyone else married/divorced and have these issues? how did you handle it?

Hi 1215! I was looking for answers for exactly the same questions and it looks like an everending "game" for me. But! I have marriage, two kids, good job...and endless number of affairs...I read what I write hear and it looks horrible but when I am "in the situation" then I use it. Must´nt probably add that 15 years of marriage is more like a friendship and raising kids together. But my job allows me a lot of travelling. And I get a lot of attention at work. I think it is down to my actually low selfesteem. So I am constantly trying out "if I still have it". And I do. I have always put a lot into intellectual development for my job requires it. But I value my looks same highly. Though. I am trying to get more balance into my life lately. What helps me a lot is very strict schedule. I get up at 5 am for work out, then prepaire for work, take care of my family, then work 8am-4 pm, go home, have daily assignements at home and I go to bed at 8 pm. This has kept me from FB or other ways for chatting and getting into "trouble".

Yeah, We al need to start a CLUB cause I have the same Problems.. and i don't understand why im scared cause i have a child and she needs me.

I get you completely. Have never been able to remain in a relationship, institution or workplace for long either. Maybe we just fear the mundane rituals that life seems to throw at us constantly.

Wow!! I am not alone , I am a 53 yr old man on SSDI just to give you a ideal how much I move around I bought a 2013 new Rav 4 last July and one year later I have 35000 miles on it. My anxiety builds up and no matter what I have to leave no matter what. I have had apartments furnish them and when I have my attack. I leave all behind and just drive. I recently tried to get help with the VA and they said they could help me, so they put me in a program and I lasted 3 week now I am on the road again. it seem that this is been going on all my life as a kid it was walking I use to get a anxiety attack and walk for miles and I mean miles one time I ended up 30 miles away and then wondered how I was going to get back. I did this a lot as a kid now the only difference is I use a car. . I have been diagnose with anxiety, schizoaffective , and personality disorder but I fill they R wrong . Why I run away I don't know this is getting old for me and I am tired, But I cant control this urge to run/ drive , {run away}. so just last week I just drove 1000 mile and know I am in a new state new city and a new world. for how long I dint know.. Live in storages and in my car ,my car is the only place I fill safe

Lately I'm finding I have the same type of issues, I can't stay in one place for very long, and my romantic endevours seem to have a sort of half-life or something. I'm kinda scared that my current relationship won't last very long at all, because I really think our relationship could end in marriage if everything goes okay. I'm really afraid of her cheating, because I know she has been dishonest with other guys in the past, but somehow I feel like I might be placed in a higher category because she knows I won't leave her. I really want to marry her, we've only been together for a week or so, but she's been in my life for 10 years.

As long as you are looking within for the fulfillment, you will never find it. Spiritually, meaning comes from helping others. In Longfellow's a psalm of life we are told that very thing. In the Bible in Ecclesiastics Solomon, one of the wisest men ever, concluded virtually the same thing which was to enjoy your labor and serve the Lord. Unfortunately we today seem to think we know better and won't submit our lives to a higher calling. Society is geared toward that "pursuit of happiness". We are taught in this country anyway to take care of number one. When we grow up, we are lost because we jump from fleeting happiness to fleeting happiness with no prolonged sustenance. The goal is to live here to get to heaven and that message has been lost. Life is short. Eternity is long. Believe or keep looking for that fictitious pot of gold and die miserable. I know because I am just like you.

I have the exact same problem. I've noticed that I'm trying to make up for something in my life that is lacking. It's like I try all these different things because I'm trying to fill some void within me. Nothing I do seems to satisfy it. I'm about to transfer to my third college and start a different major. I don't really even think that I'm going to stay with it I just need a change and it seems like the best option. Maybe I just haven't found my calling yet. The best advice I can give to you is follow your heart and don't half *** it.

I started out as a chemistry major, then electrical engineering, and while both are interesting to me I have no interest in actually working in the field of either jobs. This time around I'm going to school for art. I love it and I'm hoping I won't get bored of it or hate it or give up. I guess I'm just really curious to see what the world has to offer other than the usual, college->job->marriage->kids.

So maybe you just need to follow your gut instinct no matter how crazy or unconventional it is, just do what you love and see what happens. I used to feel bad that I wasn't going to finish my engineering degree but I've just learned to accept that the conventional isn't for me. So now I'm just banking on the assumption that my gut will lead me in the right direction.

story of my life!

Glad to see others are going through the same process...I'm 19, Sophomore in college, and trying to figure a lot of things out, so find this posting is a wall of support for me.

All your stories describe who I am today. At 45, I am on my 4th university...since my late teens. I have a wonderful man, and I can find every reason to find fault with him. I hate my job. Every 2-3 years, my boredom with my job begins and then I start to slack off. Either I get fired or I quit. I started to think, why am I unable to commit to anything? What happened to me that everyone around me can start a project and finish it. Me? I can start it and never finish it. My finances are horrible. My life is humdrum. I keep looking around me, wondering is this all that life has to offer? My mother made things worse, when I asked her the same question. Her answer was "everyone comes into life with a script." Really? So, is my script messed up, non-commital, boring and routine? I keep looking for those spiritual answers but nothing seems to happen...

I'm trying to understand the whole "non-committal" thing myself. I'd love know what I have in common with others like myself. I'd say perhaps it would be birth order. Because my two older siblings don't seem to have the same issues that I do in settling down. Right now I'm considering gee what Can I do next, is it for attention that I do this cause it seems the Only time I have something of interest to discuss with my family.

Damn I thought I was the only one.. I feel like I'm losing my mind a lot of the time. I'm 20 I went to 4 different high schools cuz i deliberately got myself kicked out. I feel like I'm trapped so i have to leave or move Ive just up and quit jobs and moved

I started my "Interested in everything, committed to nothing" lifestyle very young, and thought I was weird, wrong, and just didn't fit in. Then I realized what I was. Once I acknowledged that I was an experience junkie, a change chaser, and is was just apart of me I have never bee happier as my fellow mates have said. The glass is always half full, never half empty.

I would like to know more, how you have been taking it from here..... I mean without commitment how do you manage?

Do our kind of people need to change ourselves, put efforts into committing to things, or shoud we just be as we are?

It makes career and relationships a lot more problematic without commitment.

I need a change every now and then. In relationship, in my career, at the place I live.

I am a new experience seeker, a change chaser as you desribed.

What should my way of life be. Please help.

I'm exactly what you all described. Odd thing is, IM SEVENTEEN. I always felt as if I was born in the wrong era!

I've got that problem.<br />
<br />
*Can't stay interested in a person long enough to date.<br />
*If I see a friend more than twice a week, it's too much.<br />
*As soon as I move to a rental house, I start wondering when & where I'll move next.<br />
*There's no job on earth I enjoy; it's just a mind numbing timekill for when I'm not having fun, eating, or sleeping.<br />
*I have no plans to invest in my future, no insurance of any kind, no saving fund.<br />
*Never learned how to drive, don't care to.<br />
*Went to 3 different colleges, didn't graduate from any of them.<br />
*Never finished any art project I started on.<br />
*Rarely finished a video games.<br />
*Sometimes I'll stop watching a TV series midway.<br />
*I can't just watch a movie; I need to be doing a bunch of other stuff at the same time.<br />
*I halfass the housecleaning when I do it at all.<br />
*I break half my promises.<br />
*I make plans, then when the time comes, I don't feel like doing them.

The only thing that is wrong with you,, is that you see your lifestyle as wrong!<br />
Or you may be generating a "self fulfilling prophecy"<br />
Make it work for you!<br />
Order my book A Gift from Seraphina, you will see how you can make a lack of commitment work for you!<br />
I have never been settled and have learnt to love and embrace it!<br />
see my entries above.

I try to trick myself into a commitment by signing a 12 month lease. I have broken the last 4 leases at or before the 6 month mark. Getting ready to do it again this week....and I live in the best place I have ever lived-- right on the Atlantic Ocean. But I am compelled to keep moving and so I am trying to find out what is wrong with me. I see there are others wandering the world and that makes me feel better somehow.

hahaha! love it! You know I'm known as the "crazy cat lady" and I don't even have any!<br />
I empathise totally with you!<br />
I met a guy last night and he is perfectly gorgeous, but i can almost feel myself creating faults about him.<br />
It is a cycle and a bit like an addiction.<br />
But for me I also love my single life and freedom so it would take someone amazing for me to change it for him.<br />
i think a sense of humour is vital. I would hate to be with someone who didn't laugh at my jokes, hahaha..... but like you said, if it wasn't that it would be something else!<br />
i thought the gorgeous guy I met last night was a bit tight with his money, but if he was generous i would probably see that as him showing off or wanting something!!<br />
Anyway I am glad to see there are more people similar to me. But I really don't think I have a disorder as I have said before I have made my non commital lifestyle work for me and I don't stay in boring, jaded, time wasting relationships like most people.

GOOD LORD!!! I need to meet all of you too! The discussions we could have over lunch....(if I could COMMIT to a lunch date...har har) j/j I am almost 40 and had ONE long relationship and it lasted 3 years. That was A STRETCH for me lemme tell ya! I have thought and thought and thought on this issue. You know what I do?? I go out with someone and have those butterflies and it feels great for about I dunno...5 days to 2 months. BUT, if they DO SOMETHING or say SOMETHING that rubs me the wrong way. I do a COMPLETE TURN AROUND and DEVALUE them somehow to the point where I am like, how could I have ever liked him? Ewwww, he is really turning me off now? Eeewww...go away I think to myself. I try to PUSH them away every way I know how and invariably THAT is what will end the relationship. ME PUSHING THEM AWAY. Let me stop here and say I HATE THIS ABOUT MYSELF!! I always think to myself, what make ME SO PERFECT???? As I know (OBVIOUSLY) I AM FARRRR FROM IT!! I am in therapy.. and maybe this will help some of you to look into it...not saying you have this issue that I do. BUT, I have been told by 3 different therapist that I have "Borderline Personality Disorder." When I finally decided to read up on it, it said that "Borderlines" find it hard to commit, and go through relationship after relationship after relationship. Having said that, obviously that is not EVERYONE'S issue if you are commitment phobic. I also think it is the way we grew up--- (I know I know...past boyfriends have said to me in the past "get over it" But you know what??? Sometimes you CAN'T just GET OVER IT without some help. I grew up in a very unstable environment. My mother too had issues with commitment. She was also an alcoholic and it was ME who took care of HER, I never had a Dad really...to speak of. Obviously a "biological Father." I never see him. Though he does want to get in touch with me (I heard through the grapevine)..anyway, getting off subject. I suppose everyone can say to some degree that they didn't have the best home life and I am not really BLAMING that so much although it does seem that all the women in my family have commitment issues. No one has stayed married except my Grandmother and I believe with all of my heart she just "settled" and decided to be happy anyway. I always wonder how she does that.. I wish I could...in a way.. I mean "being complacent" is really my NIGHTMARE. I also love to travel and see new things. I find it VERY hard to stay in ONE PLACE (geographically) and I move A LOT. Which would also lend itself to "commitment issues" I suppose, as you really don't have time to committ to one person if you are constantly moving. My dream job is a flight attendant. lol. Makes TOTAL SENSE to me. Well...I have blabbed enough but I just wanted to EMPATHIZE with some of you. I may have said some stuff that you are all "What? No....that's not me!" But in some ways.....?? I am in a "relationship" now that I was scared as hell to commit to as I knew I would repeat my "pattern" with this man. And I HAVE. I told him before we ever decided to move in together (BIG MISTAKE--another one of my faults...SPLIT SECOND DECISIONS WITHOUT THINKING IT THROUGH), anyway, I told him that I WILL TRY AND PUSH HIM AWAY. I told him he does not really want to be with me. He said to me "I won't let you push me away, that won't happen." Well, now 6 months of living together and I want to claw my face off half the time I am so bored and feel CAGED. I can't explain it...it's like the grass is always greener!?!? When I am with someone, it ends up I am wanting to push them away so I can be free again. When I am free, I enjoy it for a while, and then want to be with someone. It is such a HORRIBLE CYCLE!!! My boyfriend told me the other day, "you know what, you were right when you told me you have an ability to push people away...as I am getting to the end of my rope here.." and I was glad to hear it??? Ugh, please I hope no one comes back and "HATES ON ME" here... I am just trying to share. I really wish I wasn't this way and it ISN'T easy to JUST CHANGE. This has been a cycle for QUITE some time now. :/ Anyway, just wanted to share. If any of you are interested, it may be beneficial to look up symptoms of BPD. It's a disorder that is a bit complicated, as the person doesn't SEEM mentally ill. I mean I don't FEEL mentally ill...most of the time.. lol. It's just RELATIONSHIPS. I have NO LUCK with them. And yet, I know it's ME that causes them to end. What's worse is I am usually RELIEVED when they end. I swear too, it's not the men I choose. I told my best friend, if this relationship, with the man I am with now doesn't work out, then it won't work with ANYONE. As he is a good man by all respects, no abuse, just a laid back guy....though he doesn't have much of a sense of humor. But see? There I go....I make that HUGE in my mind. EVERYONE has their good points and bad points. The problem is, I shouldn't make it so BAD that he doesn't have much of a sense of humor??? I mean there are other great things about him, that I should be able to put that aside and enjoy the good things and realize no one is perfect, and big deal if he doesn't have the greatest sense of humor. (But he is soooooo serious!?!?) OOF...there I go again. You know, if it was any other guy, he would have a sense of humor but I would pick something else out that bugged me and make it HUGE and POOF! No more feelings for him. UGH. I think I just need to grow old with a bunch of cats. I'll be the crazy cat lady.

Hello :)
I've just read your thoughts .
I can relate to all that !!!
I want to know if your like this with work ?
I can't commit to work !!
I never know what I want todo or where I want to be !!
I get bord of it and the people so easily !
I'm totally like you with relation ships !i pick faults within a phew weeks a specially if its going well!!!god knows why!
I find that I can manipulate people who I get close to aswell but I will suck them dry with my problem to commit or to know what I want !!!is this in our genetics ?????
I don't believe in being depressed I just think its in your head but this commit fault is a night mare !!!!!

I would love to meet some of you! I am exactly the same! I am 45, have never had a long term relationship, have been in 51 countries by myself over the past 20 years and keep intending to 'settle down' but this only lasts a few months.<br />
I am a relief school teacher and this is ideal for my lifestyle as I can travel and go from school to school.<br />
I must say I am extremely happy!!<br />
I have learnt we are all different and all have different callings on this physical realm.<br />
I continue to meet different people and I feel my role is guiding them, all be it very briefly! I do a lot of channelled writing for people I barely know and I feel my brief encounter with them has been a spiritual interchange!<br />
We are not all in this life to be married, have children, have good jobs, be settled!<br />
Once when we realise that can we be a lot happier!<br />
I don't have the joy of good, long term friends, partner, family or work colleagues but I don't have the pains that come from these things too.<br />
In fact I have learnt a lot of jealousy and negative emotions and issues can arise from commitment.<br />
Anyway if any of you are interested Google my book A Gift from Seraphina..... and find out more. <br />
Oddly enough I don't think of myself as religious but I have had some profound spiritual things happen to me on my lonesome, uncommitted life's journey. My book is dedicated to Seraphina my poet guide.... proof that you are never truly alone!<br />
Good luck all of you out there. Remember being uncommited can be very positive, invigorating, healthy and fulfilling lifestyle. It's not wrong it's just different. When you realise that you can embrace it and make it work for you, as I have done.

I feel compelled to respond. I am 40 now and have still not stopped roaming. I'm self-employed and have zero strings attached. All I own is a car, my bank account, and my freedom, freedom to do what I want when I want. I've had relationships, but when marriage is proposed, I find a reason why the relationship won't work, and I run away. <br />
I've been very happy with my life, but have come to realize that I've not yet found a place that feels like "home" because I haven't found the person who makes me feel like I'm home. <br />
I used to believe that a place would call me, and I would stay put, but that is never going to happen. It's meeting the right person, so until that time, I'll continue to do what feels right, listen to myself, and be happy every day I wake up without regret.<br />
The excellent thing is that my parents and friends love me for who I am, athough they may not understand my lifestyle, and are used to an unexpected call from me in Thailand or China or wherever I decide to go on the spur of the moment to rock climb or dive or whatever. I love being around people and getting to know other cultures, but also love that I can disappear and never be found. Obviously I have no Facebook:)<br />
Good luck, and remember, you are only good to the world if you are happy, so be happy and be good to others, and tell them your gig. Whatever works!- written from my extended stay hotel room- month to month is the extent of my committment, and that brings me peace.<br />

You know you sond just like me, always moving trying to find something that will stimulate your mind... somehing that will make you happy, but the thing is happiness needs to be maintained and that's what you are doing. There is nothing wrong with that at all, you are always learning, always experiencing.... basically you are actually living!! Unlike a lot of people in this world. Keep embarking on your journey and maybe you'll find your place in this world or not, just as long as you keep filling up your appetite of happiness. <br />
Remember it's not that you're not committed, it's that you don't waste your time!

Sometimes in our lives we sit and wonder what else in life is calling for us, sometimes we wonder why we are here, and what our purpose is. It is hard to say why you run, or shy away from things, but it should not be looked at a negative, as long as those who you are with relationship know who you are, those who do will stand there waiting for you to find yourself. Take the time for yourself, to discover who and what you want out of life. It is most important that you are happy, if you are not complete than you cannot make anyone else complete either. There is a saying "you complete me"<br />
It should be "You complement me" meaning they should just enhance the things about you and you should enhance them. You may be searching for someone that wants the same things as you, perhaps searching for someone who wants to be on the road travel along side with you but with no strings attached would be a good thing for you, or perhaps it is something in which you need to find your own path. There is always someone who will be waiting, whether you see it or not yet, waiting for you to find yourself. Take this time for yourself as you only live once! Be happy with you!