A Woman With A Commitment Issue Is Unheard Of

I have a friend who ldolises her partner. They have been together for a long time now and are as much in love as they were when they first met.  This is the couple that everyone wants to be.  Everything on the surface looks like a fairytale as they love each other so damn much.  However scratch beneath the surface and there is one issue that is in danger of making the whole relationship turn on its head, and that is marriage and more importantly, what comes with marriage........KIDS  You see, he wants to get married but shes been putting it off for a while now, making various excuses.  However these excuses are now running out of time, and its now time to deal with the issue head on. The problem she has is solely with marriage, not her partner  (I MUST STRONGLY EMPHASISE THIS).  She has always had a problem with marriage and wont even broach the subject of kids. She cant bare the idea of being tied down and being trapped (not that this will happen but nevertheless, its still a risk). However, her boyfriend is'nt as blind that she thinks. He knows whats going on.  Deep down he's aware of her feelings, but i think that hes under the impression that she may, over time, change her way of thinking. And before you all start thinking, its probably to do with her childhood, i dont think that has much to do with it.  Her childhood wasnt that different to the next persons. However, her parents have both been married twice so perhaps that may have something to do with it.  Anyway she will soon have to stop resisting this issue, if she wants her relationship to move on and i think deep down she knows this, thats why she is sooooo confused at the moment. She wants to spend the rest of her life with this man, now if only she could get over this one issue of commitment.

siennalilamarie siennalilamarie
18-21, F
7 Responses Nov 28, 2009

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I am not sure If I am too late posting to this article but here it goes. Me and my wife have been married for 31 years now. both of us were made for each other. Before I married I never thought I would have. My life was a moment to moment thing. I had no set plans on anything in life. I was jut busy living it. But I hit a point where I had done so much with so many others in all the things I had done up to that point. I had no one for out there in time to sit back and look ovr what we did and where we wanted to go. I ran into my wife by accident. (that is a story all its own). but we met and talked, we liked what we had to share. We took a chance...that was all it was. Three months after meeting we maaried. The way we look at our marriage is not a ownership. We are two seperate people sharing a path together. There has never been anything holding us back. Ifat anytime one or the other felt they needed to go a different path. Then it would be fine. We have no secrets. We talk all the time and even the crazy silly thoughts that pass in our heads. We listen and communicate (very important) and you except hearing the bad with the good about yourself. The things a lot would not share. My wifes three rules she was never going to break....get married....have children and conform to society. Wel the firt two were broken. The third we will not do.... but that is us....Life is nothing more then taking a chance. Coming to a point in the road and asking yourself. Where do I go. Flip a coin, closed your eyes and turn around and point. whatever....soulmate if you want to call it that will always be together if it is in their paths to. If not you remember what you shared and continue on. In 31 years I love my wife even more today then I did when I first met her. She feels the same with me. Our love is as one..we are one..and it will always be no matter what life brings our way...hope it helps and hope it wasnot confusing...<br />
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from someone that knows LOVE....

Hello Everyone!!!!!<br />
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I am just a straight forward person , so I am just going to tell it like it is!!!!! Marriage is something that no one can prepare you for... I wish my friends would have told me, about how things would change and how getting to know your partner on a different level would be overwelming. I feel that if your friend is not the commitment type.... Please... please tell her not to get married. I was never the commitment type and I thought I was ready for marriage..... Well two years later.... I already don't want to be married anymore. Mind you my husband is the greatest guy in the world. We hardly ever argue, but the problem is, we are so used to be together things are starting to get boring. There is no fire, no sparks , well on my side anyway. This is when people start to have kids because they feel that a child will bring unity to the marriage. I am not saying it will not, however it brings on a lot more things than unity... stress. arguments, no sense of independence. <br />
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Society dresses up marriage, with the big wedding, and the lavish party , but once that party is over, reality sinks in like a ton of bricks. I tell my husband ALL THE TIME. Us getting married just ruined everything. I rather just be with him, with out the binding commitment. A lot of people feel this way. However marriage is for some people. People love being married. I think those are the people who truly feel they have found their soul mate. <br />
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Don't do it, if you are not ready. <br />
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Good Luck!

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You have just described my life. I have been with the same guy for 3 years but am petrified of getting married. Its not him its marriage. With more than 50% divorce rate in this country, and my parents marriage as the perfect model of how badly the institution can play out - I am petrified of getting to a place where I would hate him. I never dreamed of getting married as a little girl and am not particularly enthused about the idea of making a promise that people are realistically not able to keep. You vow to love and honor, to cherish, etc; however, you promise that at a certain point in your life when it is true. Everyone changes, most people drastically change over their lifetime. Would you keep a promise you made when you were 5? For me its the same idea. How can you keep a promise made when you may have been a completely different person (more idealistic, more romantic, etc.)?

thanks for that teriterry. I care cuz the relationships worth caring about. Its one of those rare ones that you dont see too often and when you do it takes your breath away!!!

phycologist & hypnosis