Scarred Scared And Tired Of This Battle

About one year ago, I passed out and hit my head. i was unconscious and on my leg for 12 hours before i was found by my baby sister. I woke up about 3 days later in ICU confused about what was happening to me. I had a 20% chance of living but made i through. When i was able to speak I asked my doctor what was going to happen to me he without emotion said. "we will probably have to amputate your leg." I prayed so hard I could keep my leg. Well 1 month in ICU 10 fasciotamy's, a skin graft from my upper thigh, a wound vac, 1 month of inpatient rehab, and several months of outpatient rehab later i am still battling this disorder. I have recently had my Achilles' tendon stretched, my skin graft on my shin removed, and my scars lasered, but i still have many more laser treatments, a tendon transfer and injections to my shin to fill up the muscle taken out. I am very depressed over my limping when i walk and my god awful scars. I wont stop until i am back to normal but how do i accept me the way i am until that point????
Frustrated316 Frustrated316
31-35, F
2 Responses Jan 18, 2013

Frustrated, I've been trying to message you back privately, but it keeps eating my messages. Stay strong and wear those shorts. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and a SURVIVOR!

I use these and have stopped to limp:
Otto Bock Dyna Ankle 50S1
Otto Bock WalkOn Trimable 28U23
You have to get used to it and can only wear running shoes 1-2 sizes bigger. But basically you will walk like you used to walk. You can even run, jump and dance with them. They are rather expensive, but should last at least 4 years just walking with them and 2 years if you use them for sports.
I was able to wear high-heels after 6-8 months using these.
I was told to wear them as often as possible so my hip will not get ruined !
I still train my foot/leg and the rest of my body 40 min 4 times a week, try to stay as slim as possible, try to eat healthy and take care of my scars at least twice a day. I am in better shape than before my accident. I am used to the regime, but still hate it. I take my medication, even if it makes me sick rather often and never ask "Why has this happened to me?" What for? You can either give up or go on and giving up is not a option as I have invested too much time and energy and pain into getting where I am today. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have so much life ahead of you. Nobody cares if you limp or not or if you have scars (mine are not too pretty either). It could be worse as I am sure your worst day of your life has happened already (mine has).

Phil you wear heels? Aye caramba ;)
Keep going keep moving keep hoping
you'll get through it. scars are sexy. at least my partner tells me so.

I always say that for the rest of my life I have no problem dressing up for Halloween: I can be anything a pirate bride, a shark victim, Jane after being attacked by a tiger.....
Jep, getting into heels again (need them for work) was work, pain and frustration as has a very clear height limit.:)

Phil i dont feel sorry for myself, the reason for my accident and where I am today is my own fault. i live with guilt not sorry for myself. I dont feel the same way about scars as you may do bc its my fault they are there. They are covering my entire right leg and i have been going through muliple surgeries week after week month after month to have a better quality of life. i have recently had 6 surgeries in 3 weeks and i no longer have footdrop. I fight after day with surgery medication depresson physical therapy etc and i never give up no matter how bad i feel. Bc of my perseverence i have been able to wear my own flats, sneakers, boots and wedge heels. i dont take theis accident lighlty and cant joke about the scarring on my body bc of personal reasons, so please dont say stop felling sorry for yourself. My accident also followed 2 terrible issues, 1 family member getting hit by a train and another with a stroke. So times are tough but my family and I are sticking togther to help us all. may have one more surgery but nothing evasive and have beat footdrop so i dont need any aides to help walk or wear certain shoes. BUT my scars are a constant reminder of what happened to me!!

I do not know your personal story, so I try not to judge, but believe me mine is pretty bad too and involves things I will not talk about publicly. I really believe all things happen for a reason. I could be dead, but am not. So it was decided it is not my time to go yet and here I am. If my life were a computer game, I would need to find out why and how to get there and maybe have some fun on the way there, I doubt I am living to fret and feel guilty. My life goal changed a lot since the accident and I am so glad about it. I cannot image being the person I was in 2009 and takeing the Computer game example I am probably in stage 2 or 3 of the game....not bad, but not good enough either.

I agree on some level. Mine was pretty bad as well and my scars just look at me at remind me I could've prevented this. Now I appreciate my life and things I never did. I remember waking up from my coma in the hospital thinking "it doesn't matter how much money you have or the car you drive or how big your house , if you don't have your health you don't have anything". And I prayed everyday to god to please just let me walk again because the doctors were so sure I never would. They didn't even know and couldn't figure out why my accident happened and never asked so I just kept it to myself. I just feel I'm a woman and a pretty smart one I went to school for a bachelors 2 masters and was getting my CPA had great friends and great family and wish I appreciatd what I had rather than what I didn't have. Why did it take such an extreme accident to realize I had a really spectacular life? I never give up though . I just had 5 surgeries 4 of them got rid of my footdrop and 1 filled out the right side of my leg so it's not deformed I am just left with a humingius dark scar that I already lad 2k to get lasered from my ankle to my knee. I will have to now do it all over again and it's so expensive. I still need to get my left side of leg done and work out my calf muscle. After my accident 10 months later the day after Xmas my job let me go. I was so disappointed n I worked so hard to get this promotion and I lost it. Since I have had not surgeries I can't apply for another one and disability has taken 6 months and I still have not seen a dime. My savings are gone my credit card bills went through the foof and I had to give my car away bc I can't afford it. I am non weight bearing for awhile longer so I depend solely on my boyfriend to bring to the shower the lotty the dr u name it i need him to do it. I have been independent since 16 and although I greatly appreciate his support and love I can't wait to be able to do things for myself again.

Phil do you also have footdrop? We're they able to close your leg from the compartment syndrome . They click t close mine so my leg was left wide old for months it was Brois. Than took skin from my thigh and put it across tha gaping hole. It looked horrific. I'm on in this a little I've a year but I enjoyed being in rehab better than being home. Everyone had their own story and we all shared . It was like a community disabled comedians. Here I see my friends fAmiky and my sisters grow in their lives and I'm starting over. One day I will get through this the journey has been wild filer coaster and I can't wait for it to be over!

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