I Have Complex Ptsd Recently Diagnosed And My Husband Has Pd's, Helll-i'm-in-lllp!

There's so much to say but I'd like to find some like minded folks first and foremost.  I want desperately to save this disfunctional marriage but it's pure chaos.  And I'm at my wits end.  While I am getting help from meds, psyc doc, therapist, counselors, pastors and all the self help material i can mangage, my spouse refuses to seek any treatment when he's been told he desperately (I added that adjective), needs it. 

so again....HELLLLLLPPPP anyone???
snowflakemommy snowflakemommy
41-45, F
3 Responses Mar 27, 2012

hi there..sorry to hear of where you are at..just wanted to share something we were told during relationship counselling..i too suffer from C-PTSD & my husband is an aspie (aspergers)..total perfect recipe for chaos & toxity..however, when healthy, we completely complement each other & are stronger together than we could ever be on our own..having said that though, & the great advice that we were told, is that one person cannot save a relationship..both people have to want it just as much & both people have to want to work at it just as much..cannot be one sided in order for it to work..it just isn't enough & way too hard..& very true..we did & have gotten there..& I wouldn't have wanted to miss it for the world..but when both people are not on the same page & giving the same level of commitment, the devastation & anguish is very severe, as I am sure you may be finding out..my advice..based on experience alone..would be to sit down with him (definitely pray first if you are that way inclined) & go through the process you are about to go through with him..& to remember that when one person is speaking, the other is listening, it's really important..what ever it is that the both of you are feeling about whatever can be put aside for 10 minutes, it will still be there afterwards should you want to go back to it..then ask him what he really wants out of the relationship..& let him go & you just listen..he will probably be just a miserable as you..summarise it & repeat it back to him to make sure that you are very clear on his wants & needs & then ask him if there is anything you can do to help him with that..second is for you to share what it is you really want from the relationship & for him to listen & for him to repeat it back to you & ask if there is anything he can do to help you with that..this simple tool saved our marriage more than a few times & in the beginning we were hopeless at it..while we both knew what the other wanted (& it can be very surprising how different it is when asked than what we were thinking), neither one of us were in a place to be able to give the other the help they needed with it..but at the very least it kept bringing us back to a place where we knew & could feel that we really did want a life with each other & we really do care about each other & we really do want to help each other & that alone got us through until we did start to work on & get on top of our own stuff & be able to come to a place where we could be what we needed for each other..it's tuff though & takes much time & effort..& repeatedly..really hope that helps as it really did for us..all the best & take care xx

PDs? What kind of PD? NPD? ASPD?

Almost all PDs are extremely hard to treat, and if you are in a relationship/marriage with an NPD or ASPD individual, it might be that you YOURSELF are continuing to reenact aspects of your own past (basis of your C-PTSD) in having started, then continued this relationship/marriage.
In all therapy, it's generally stated that the individual deals with his/her own problems first. Consequently, in dealing with your own issues regarding your C-PTSD, you will most likely find an answer/resolution in dealing with your significant other/husband.
Best Wishes.

I know you wrote this while ago and I don't see any responses, so I thought I'd give it a go!
I also suffer from C-ptsd, and get what Life can be like.
I have no answers to your dilemma beyond wondering what it is like living in constant chaos, and why would you, especially if you have children?
My take is all about not passing this on to children.
I am happy to talk to you about living with Cptsd, it's a monster!