I'm Having Trouble Sharing This So Forgive Me If I Ramble

I am 32 years old and in college. I was heavily bullies in school, starting in elementary school and going throughout high school. I was a nerd I guess. In 7th grade I was forced into the dumpster on campus. In 9th grade someone ripped my backpack out of my hands, stole my money, and drew a giant penis on my backpack. I was called every name you can imagine by complete strangers, especially ****. I was actually a virgin until after I dropped out of high school. I have had a lot more trauma since then that has included a history of domestic violence, and a rape. I dropped my course load from 12 units down to 9 because the stress was bringing on flashbacks.. in public areas on campus! I would have to sit quietly and compose myself before I could get the rest of the way to my next class. I've had many years of therapy and many many med changes over the years.
I just don't know what to do anymore I guess. I'm sorry I was such a rotten teenager. I'm sorry I dropped out of school. I'm sorry I used drugs. I'm sorry I ran away from home so many times and my parents were trying desperately to come up with a way to help me, they just didn't know how. I want to stop feeling worthless. My feelings of worthlessness arent related to my successes or failures. I could graduate with honors and I would still feel this way. I just want to scream right now, or cry, or both. I don't know how to stop feeling this way. I've been through Seeking Safety, and it helped I guess.
Daenerys2012 Daenerys2012
31-35, F
Sep 12, 2012