I Spend More Time In Flashback Than Actual Present Reality
Sometimes I think I spend more of my time in flashbacks than in actual present life. I find it so hard to stay in the present and I'm always so scared. I no longer believe in safety- it's a nice thought, but it doesn't exist and it never did. I have a "startle reflex" my therapist calls it, that's pretty bad. It's the fear I find so hard to live with, the fear from the past that I can't seem to get over in the present. I haven't known about my diagnosis for long, a few months, I was in a really good hospital trauma unit for four months, but now I'm out and feel worse and worry I'll never be able to function normally again.