I Think I Love My Best Friend.

My story is so complicated, even writing it stresses me out. It is almost impossible to put the relationship I am in into words, hence the difficulty of explaining it as I type right now. I met a guy a year and a half ago at our job, and we began a friends with benefits type of relationship almost immediately. It was clear there was a mutual attraction, but I didnt know where it would lead to because I am so anti-relationships since I was hurt in the past. I would have preferred to spend these years of my life figuring myself out, but alas, I fell in love. It didnt happen right away, and we did an excellent job maintaining our friendship/co-worker relationship and never let anyone know about us. Gradually over the last year and a half we have spent more and more time together, talking to and seeing each other on a daily basis (despite the fact that I no longer work for the same company), and getting to know each other's intimate details. He is an amazing man and he surprises me each and every day with some little piece of himself. Just when I think that I know everything about him, he reveals a little bit more. We have talked about our relationship recently for the first time and he feels the same way that I do. SO, why are we NOT together? I realize we arent in high school anymore where you send a note with a "will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend? check yes or no"....but why do we have to pretend like we are just blah. His reasoning behind the whole not making it official thing is that he doesn't like things "planned". My personal opinion is that, due to the fact that he has never had a serious girlfriend (even with his amazing personality), he is just scared to make that commitment. I think that he thinks I will automatically harrass him to be my husband. My feelings grow for him on a daily basis, and he has gradually shown me more and more affection publicly. He doesn't want me to talk to other guys, and claims to be uninterested in any other woman because "no girl can match up to me", so why would he have such a problem with making it official. He seems very sure that he doesnt want to be my boyfriend, and wants to just let things be the way they are, and whatever is supposed to happen, will. He is my best friend and I cant imagine living life without him, so what do I do? My heart is telling me to stick it out, because even if I do end up getting hurt, I can at least have a wonderful experience to remember. My brain is telling me to get out before I get hurt, although at this point, if I left the relationship or whatever it is, I would most definitely cause myself pain. So, do I continue and take the risk of getting hurt, or do I get out before it gets any worse? HELP!
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2 Responses Oct 31, 2011

If he hasn't wanted a defined BF/GF relationship after 18 months that tells me he isn't interested in a real relationship with you. Remember, its sad but its true, actions speak louder than words and he speaks volumes with his actions. I am sorry to say for you.

I say that you stay in it. I would not get hung up on titles. What if the added pressure now that he is your "boyfriend" causes him to treat you differently in a way that you don't like. I had this same situation to an extent. I was in a loving relationship with no problems for 6 years. The second that I put the title of wife on my love she went crazy over the idea that she was a wife and our relationship was never the same. Ask yourself the questions that I feel you have already answered. Are you happy? It sounds like it to me. Would you be any more happy with a title? Like you said we are not in highschool anymore so what does it matter? He doesn't want to be with anyone else...he said so himself. Don't stress so much and enjoy what you have

Well you guys are best friends so take her out somewhere and tell he how you feel for example. " listen i dont want things to get awkerd between us ok? I think i might have some feelings for you. Im not sure if i do or not just please dont let this ruin our friendship ok?" thats practicly all you have to do. What do you no she might have feelings for you to? Good luck!!! From jess :D