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Am I Bad Person?

I have a question and I need an answer. First I’m going to tell you the story. Yesterday while I was in school, there was an announcement that one of last year’s graduate was found dead in the forest next to the school. No, there was no danger to the school. Now I knew this person and when I first found out the news I burst into tears and went into shock. One of my best friends, we will name her Katie was best friends with this guy, we will name him Josh. The first thing that jumped into my mind was, “oh god, Katie.” After school I went over to her house to console her.
Now this is where the question comes in. Let me start from the beginning. I met Josh through Katie and we became friends. I thought he was a pretty cool guy and Katie and him began dating. The problem was that Katie was 15 and Josh was 20. At first I thought it was perfectly find because I was a naïve 14 year old. I was just glad that Katie was happy. Katie knew her dad and her grandmother, whom she lives with, would not approve of this so she kept this secret from them. I also kept Josh secret from my parents because he was so much older and they would not approve either. So like all parents do sooner or later, they found out that I was friends with him after being caught hanging out at his house. They took me home and they told me all the dangers of older men and also told me I was not allowed to be around him anymore. I was in denial at how someone could be so bad so I was really angry with my parents. And when I get angry I cry. But being the good kid that I was I stopped being friends with him.
Of course Katie was still dating him and keeping it secret from her parents. I began to see the perspective of Josh that my parents were trying to get me to see. Like a good friend that I was I set her down and told her to stop seeing him and that it was going to hurt her in the future or I would go to her father. She agreed to it and stopped, or I believed she stopped. She hadn’t, and I found that out after I went over to her house after Josh’s death. Let me explain who I am for a second. I am a very selfish person and can be conceited, simple-minded and a bit rash, basically I’m a teenager. Well this side of my being popped out when she told me what she was still doing and completely betrayed my trust. So I punched her in the jaw. Yeah I know, that was probably the worst thing I could have done and it was horrible of me but I wasn’t thinking about that at the moment and I didn’t think too much about it afterwards. Sadly Katie forgave me for what I did even though I didn’t deserve it, but I didn’t know that then.
The next day, today is where the real question comes in. One of the people that Katie looks up to is this girl that is about three years older than us. We will call her Sarah. She was also a friend of Josh’s, one of his best friends actually and his death hit her hard. I texted her asking what she was up to. I didn’t ask “are you okay?” Because obviously she’s not. She answered with she was trying to eat; I said “that’s good that you’re doing that”. A little while later she texted back. Now what I’m about to write next is not is exact words because I deleted the text message write after I read it. The text message basically said that “I was completely awful and horrible that I would punch my best friend in the face on the day that the man that she loved was found dead, and that she and a whole bunch of other people want to punch me in the face to.” That really got to me and I understood how horrible I was acting. So I skipped forth period and went to apologize to Katie.
Let me tell you a little bit about Sarah. While I was trying to stop Katie from seeing him romantically, she was encouraging it at the same time. This is what I think is so bad about that. First of all Katie-15, josh-20. That should be the only reason why they shouldn’t be together but sadly it isn’t enough. Second, Katie was lying to her father and grandmother, her two constants in her life about the relationship. Katie’s dad was also good friends with josh because they were always playing paintball with each other. Third, while she was secretly dating behind my back, they had sex which is considered statutory rape. I asked her why she would do that if she promised everyone that she would wait until she is at least 16. She answered with a simple, “I was half asleep at the time.” Now I didn’t know if this was true or not but isn’t that kind of considered rape? Fourth, she had a pregnancy scare! At 15! And that is how her dad found out about the two of them and she is in a lot of trouble.
Fifth, while Josh was dating Katie he knocked up some other chick. I’m not saying that Josh was a bad person; he was actually a very good person who was friends with everyone and put them all ahead of himself. He was very selfless, until he started thinking with his **** and that was what my parents warned me about. Katie broke up with him after that but she still wanted to be friends with him and take care of him. He just turned her away.
Sarah was encouraging all of this, well except for the fifth one. She wanted them to stay together and she dislikes me for trying to keep them apart, I don’t understand why though. And now she really hates me for hurting Katie, and I don’t blame her, I hate myself for hurting Katie also. But am I really the bad guy for trying to diffuse the situation before it even became a situation all of those months ago. Cause no matter what you do everyone finds out about everything. But Sarah wasn’t thinking about that she just wanted them to stay together because Josh made Katie happy, and I was glad that Sarah wanted Katie to be happy just not in this way. Sarah tried to keep her happy but that was only for the moment, it wasn’t going to have a good outcome when **** hits the ceiling. Sarah really is a good person, always looking for the her friends best interest and I respect her for that. I just don’t think she saw the whole picture and them two dating was completely plausible in her mind.
Katie is grounded and seriously unhappy, Josh is dead, for other reasons that I will not say, Sarah is very sad and hates my guts. Am I the bad guy in this, because I tried to keep all of this from happening at the start? Sarah seems likes what she wanted for Katie was temporary happiness for long-term sadness, while I wanted temporary sadness for long-term happiness. And that’s my question, am I the bad guy?
bluebellpuppy bluebellpuppy 13-15, F May 11, 2012

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