Forever Ago

It was early on, right around the time she died. I'm really really not proud of this and am downright disgusted at myself for it. When she passed away I wanted to die, more than anything. I don't believe in god or an afterlife so it wasn't so I would be "with her" or whatever the hell that means, I just didn't want to be without her anymore. I came really close to doing it once and that is one of my largest regrets. For a time I was even a cutter (went on for a couple months, reason I didn't wear shorts for several months afterwards), I just wanted to feel something.

I don't think about it anymore, not contemplating it. I know that it isn't an option because frankly it wouldn't matter. I'd rather live a life of misery than cause others misery.

godsmack666 godsmack666
18-21, M
1 Response Mar 8, 2009

Thank you very much Betty, it truly means a lot to me. You're a good friend