Cfm: Control Freak Mom

Most recently, being this semester school year, between September 5th to Dec 19th 2012, I have realized that my point-of-view has changed in a way that I never though possible. Way back, I used to think that I would be living with my parents forever and ever as long as time and destiny of the universe in the hands of god allows me to, but the way things are makes me think differently. I no longer want to live with my parents for ever and ever even though they are the best parents that I can ask for. They are just simply too much in my own space and especially my mom because she is home the most. She always used my heart problem, pulmonary artrisia, that I have been born with as an excuses. It is hard for me to believe that things are the way they are. The only people that I can really truly trust right now on this subject in my family is my sister and brother-in-law, but they live in Edson, Alberta while I stay living with my parents in Kelowna, BC. I really did think that since I am the youngest that I would be living with my parents forever until they die. But no, I don't want that anymore. I want to finish my upgrading and do my administrative certificate, get a job, save up. Get a car, a cell phone and a home of my own and move out. That is the only reasonable order that I can think of doing anything like that. I am not ready to move out on my own because I do not have the money to do that. I do not pay rent right now when I am in school. Hardly do any chores because homework takes me all day to do. Sometimes I am so bored being by myself and I honestly do not know what else to do besides just continue with homework. I want to go and hangout with people but I haven't found any good friends yet. I have been hanging out with a few people but my mom always needs to know exactly everything. Meaning a lot of things: Like where am I going, what time I will be back, who I am with, what is their phone number, how much money do you have in your wallet, show me your account information (all of it) because statement is not enough for her. My mom always is upset with everything that I do or not do. She is always not happy with the fact that I buy something new for myself even though I normally have now started a new rule for myself that I buy things as much as possible that are at least on sale. My mom never believes me in anything I say and do to be right. She always thinks that I am lying. On my birthday I bought myself a turquoise shirt that was from Bootlegger at the mall for 50% off. I wore it to school under my white vest jacket and managed to hide it long enough out the door, but when I was home I didn't have a chance to chance into other close. My mom saw that I had that shirt underneath and she started to unbutton my white jacket, saying: "oh you bought a new shirt, let me see let me see." She was forcing me to show her my new shirt. Like I care to show her anything at all any more. October after my birthday, after the 13th, I told my mom that she is too controlling. She started crying and tried to explain her point-of-view. I only got upset even more the next day, because my mom mentioned that we have to go on compromise with each other but that only meant do what you are told. As a new rule and her controllingness, instead of improving worsened. She told me that the laptop has to to be turned off at 10pm everyday, and that she doesn't agree with me running around with my ipod touch talking to other people because she says that that is a sickens. Same like people talking on their cell phones is a sickness. My mom even threats me to take my stuff away from me. I am scared of that because she has once actually took away from me my ipod nano gold that I had bought for myself with my sister for a whole month. She kept on saying that she will give it back but she never did. She kept it until one day I saved enough to buy myself on ipod touch. That she didn't like either. Eventually I found the hiding spot where my ipod nano was and stole it back. My mom took that one away from me because she doesn't like it when I play any games on anything. She hates the canadian music, doesn't want me listening to it, so I never do. She hates my choices for books, that are fiction, like Twilight. She doesn't like my choices in movies. My mom is old style and she knows that and says it herself but never does nothing to change it. My mom also stands in my door way and watches me to see what I am doing. Sometimes when it is not to her liking she orders me to keep the door to my bedroom open. It is really frustrating because I do not like to keep my door open but closed. The more she hovers over me, to have a look over my shoulder to see what I am doing on the computer it really ticks me off. No one ever does that to me at school. That is why I am always now days either hanging out with people trying to make some friends or just simply staying after school to do homework as much as I can. Because I do not want to go home to early or to fast. Because my mom is too over controlling. Thus my initials for her since October are: CFM, Control Freak Mom. My mother doesn't even realize that I am 24 years old and old enough to go out on my own once in a while. Even that she doesn't trust me to be responsible for myself. She wants to control my money because she says that I need to learn how to manage my money and that she wants to help me. I don't want any help. I have managed enough to learn how to save up, up to $2000 for my trip to Brazil which I do not even know if it is ever going to happen anymore. My parents have that money and god knows if I ma going to get it back or a trip out of it all. They keep on changing their opinion. I need that money for school if we go no where, They say that it is safe in their account. I told them that I want it in mine because I have hardly anything in their. They said that it is safe and that they would give it back to me. I said that on the last trip to India you said that I have to learn to save and keep my money myself, and you wouldn't hold on to it then for me when I needed you to do that so why, now that I do not want you to hold on to it why don't you give it to me and let me be the boss of my own money?! I want to be able to do things myself. I want to learn to be independent, but when my parents always do what they do thinking that they know what is best for me I dought that I will ever learn. I hope and wish that the time for me to get a good job and to move out will be soon. I hope and wish also so that I may grow up faster. I have never had so many things in my mind before this semester. I have never known that I would need to think about everything so much. My mom says that I do not talk to her anymore and that is because I do not want to because she doesn't listen to my opinions and always bombards me with hers because she is older and knows and thinks that she is always right. I duno that. I have no idea. All I do know with the conclusion-airy theory that I have right now is that I am growing up little by little. That sometimes I think I knwo and understand something, but than later when something happens i have to rethink everything because I do not understand. So if I know that I do not understand I keep on non stop thinking that turns into depression and than I have to start thinking of something else to do not to be depressed or frustrated that I do not understand. I am pushing myself hard many times a day and I see that. It hurst me when I have to pressure myself to push my self hard but I have to. I have to become independent and smart for my own good. I cannot live under the same roof with my parents forever. Even though it scares me the though that I have to live on my own eventually, but I still have to do it. I am scared of a lot of things and this is no excuse. I am 24 years old and I have a lot to work on. I am working on my upgrading and towards an administrative certificate. Than I will soon after that be out on my own. If anyone has any ideas what else I can do with my mom who is a control freak mom, please do kindly let me know.

Jordasia1089 Jordasia1089
22-25, F
Dec 13, 2012