My Controlling Mom....not Sure I Explained It Write Though
I'm not angry at the moment with my mom so I figured Id take the time out to write it. I Already kinda elaborated on her in the I hate my mom section but this is a whole different matter. Of course i love her sometimes... i just wish that she didnt feel that she needs to control my life.
I'm 21 years old a student living with my mom, I dont have a job because everytime i come close to getting one she prevents me from getting it. This past saturday i had an interview for six flags I knew in advance im talking like jan 2 i knew, and I told her that, i dont have a car but she said i could drive it then and i had 5 bucks for the bridge toll. Come friday car has no gas and she took my 5 bucks then she goes and says that i didnt need a job that far out anyways...i wanted it far out because school isnt far enough for me. I hate it at home.
Shes constantly on me the way i dress if its not to her liking, she calls me a slob, a fat cow and that im stupid yea it totally gets me down i dont need to hear that crap on a daily basis. But what really gets me is that she comes home everyday with the same lecture, that she works everyday and I sit here and do nothing and she oughta throw me out and that shes doing me a favor, she promised she wouldnt say it but yet again her promises mean ****.
As a child growing up my childhood was hell, as one other reader pointed out my mom used the quote 'Spare the rod spoil the child' and that means that if you dont beat your kid, they'll turn out wrong. So i was beat, not spanked, whuppings i think there called nonetheless it was abused if i looked at her wrong till this day i dont understand how you can look lol i would get slapped across the face or my back beat in, my shoulders and arms pinched, all the while doing this she said if i cried it would be so much worse. I would get hit with an extension cord that left huge whelps in my skin, my teachers saw it but her other motto was what goes on in my house stays in my house so i never told, I thought for a while it was what bad kids got but i didnt understand i was never bad, various times she put her foot on my neck while she was beating me and she said she would crush it, and she would grind it in to prove her point. she used to have imaginary shelves and when she got angry enough she would beat you until everything she said you had done wasnt there anymore and you were numb, i hated those days. Also when we were out in public she used to tell her friends that she trained us well, the word is teach im not a dog but yet again my words meant nothing and i usally got hit at home for speaking.
The day my little bro turned 18 like 3 mins after i kid you not she gets all pissy and says that if he trys any stuff shes throwing him out, like hes afraid of being thrown out he has his bag packed already, I do not understand when i had a job i couldve moved out but everytime i said i was she said that i would find out that the world wasnt what i thought it was and i would come crawling back to her begging to be let in. I dont get it, Im not explaining it right i guess, i cnt make you see it how it really is unless youve experienced it. She said that she didnt want me to move and she told the girl i was gonna be moving with while i was at work that i wasnt ready to leave home yet so i lost that apartment deal.
She can NEVER understand me when i say i wont ever beat my kid, when i get children i would never suffer that kinda of abuse on them, not verbally and sure as hell not physically there is a difference beetween spanked and beat ok, not to mention, hasnt anyone heard of a time-out lol. i guess she still treats me like im a child but I'm not i just turned 21 one this month and so far this year shes been meaner then ever...why must she feel that she has to have control over me?? It maks me so mad and even worse is that i depend on her support, i really NEED a job its no longer a want its an acute need and I actually had a thought today and wished that i would get hit by a car so i could end up in the hospital again, anywhere but where she is....
I know its getting dangerous becuz ive never had a thot like that before...so im trying to hurry up and get out of here...