Today Feels Ok

             I don't remember the last time I had a good day. I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and energized. The feeling feels fleeting though because I don't remember the last time I truly had a good day. With CD you have Bad days then worse days and some days are Okay. I feel like my life is a roller coaster some times. Endless loops and steep peaks plague my life. I know these stories might not be inspirational but instead I am hoping that they may help with some understanding. For those of you that have not read my stories prior. I am 29 years old and was diagnosed with conversion disorder in August of 2011. It has been an endless struggle in my life since that day. My days are filled with medications and endless supervision. I spend my days in the house to afraid to go out most of the time. When I do venture out I am afraid of my episodes occurring and being stranded some place or somebody freaking out by seeing one of my episodes which in turn rises my anxiety and it takes longer for me to come out of one. I am using this site as a daily journal to kind of empty my brain from all the stress and It seems to be helping so far. I know there are many people out there that consider this disorder bullshit but it is not. I struggle with this every day. It is not something I am making up or something I have any control over. I have done everything the doctors have told me to do and still I Have gotten no better. In fact I am getting worse. So whatever Unexplained happenings are going on in my brain I have no control over and I think the doctors may have missed something. I dont know this might just be the ramblings of a frustrated woman.