Non-epileptic Seizures

I live in the uk. I am training to be a nurse. I have had symptoms of PTSD for many years and have suffered eating disorders and alcohol abuse etc. I finally thought i'd got my life together and am in my 2nd year of uni. I'm now 35 and female. The problem now is that i started having seizures a couple of years ago and had numerous tests where they found nothing wrong, conclusions were drawn to pseudoseizures (I hate that name). It started to interfere with my studies more and more and on a night shift someone witnessed me have a seizure in my break. I was devistated, I had managed to hide them mostly. I got refered to occupational health and put on restricted duties. I had to stop driving etc. I was beside myself so over the next few months i worked really hard on recognising any changes in my body and recognise early warning signs of a possible seizure. I then went and told all my doctors and friends and everyone i knew that I had lied and faked the seizures. I figured it would be better for everyone to think i was a Her, than lose my career and everything i had to live for. It worked, everyone was proud of me for getting on with my life and being 'honest' all the fear around me went away and things were brilliant. The only thing is it didnt last. The pressure i have put on myself to be well is enormous, I am getting physically sick, stomach problems, panic attacks, i'm constantly stressed and i cry a tot. The nightmares have come back and i am getting more physical illnesses like infections, my incontinence issues are also worse. I am spending more and more time on my own and am a mess. All because i have to hide these seizures and not let anyone see them. If someone sees or i let my doctors know then it will end my career for sure. No-one will listen to the fact that they are controlled or believe my real symptoms. I have spent so many years feeling like i am not good enough and finally when i have been accepted I cant keep up the act as im getting so stressed, im going to fail my course anyway if I cant cope. I have no support for this as noone has heard of non-epileptic attack disorder and if they have they think your some sort of freak or fake. I know i can succeed if i just had some support from someone who understood. But i dont know one person who does. Please can someone say something encouraging as i dont know how much longer i can keep up the act. My tutor has already seen me have a panic attack. Cm good at my job or i will be when i qualify. It is the only thing i have left to aim for. Being a nurse has given me a purpose, I'm so scared.
thininterupted thininterupted
31-35, F
2 Responses May 6, 2012

There are medicines that can help and therapy that can help, but lying wont, especially in a medical setting. Doctors know what seizures are, including pseudoseizures. If you go into one long enough to be unresponsive to revival procedures they will know you aren't faking it. Don't know why you say no-one has heard of non-epilectic attack disorder. Have you tried using the term stress-seizure? I swear between the time I started having seizures and my official diagnosis I had dozens of EMTs and ER personnel throw that term at me. And all of the doctors had heard of Conversion Disorder

i'm sorry to hear your story, i have a pretty bad case but the thing that has helped me get better, and i'm still working my butt off, is 2 x a week individual therapy and my family and a couple friends. the support is the most important part. the more you talk and "get it out" the better. conversion disorder is what my psychiatrist calls, "emotional constipation" and it only gets worse unless you can slowly and carefully work through it. i suggest not telling your friends/family you fake it. it is a real problem and not everyone understands this but someone will. try journaling on the days that are the worst. for me it got worse at first because i was opening my brain. but the more i worked at my problems and trauma i have repressed, the better it gets. but be patient. try to find ways to lower stress levels. i thought i had no hope for so long. isolated and stuck. i used to be a dancer and pilates instructor. i am now getting back into exercise and driving short distances. before i had so many pseudoseizures and abnormal movements, etc!!!!! just get it all out. scream into pillows, whatever you need. it isn't a fast fix. plus i have bipolar type II. that makes it worse! get some medicine if it helps, don't do a lot of drugs or alcohol or anything. whatever is best for your body. you can get through this. man if i can get even a millimeter better, anyone can. :-)