Triumphed Over the Tears Today!

I have severe anxiety , and even with medication it can really overpower me sometimes.  Several times while i was waitressing (plus bussing, hostessing, and anything nobody else had time to do) at this 24-hour diner, we would get really busy and it was like a dozen people needed me at once and in order to keep everything running i had to help them all at the same time. And I'd try so hard not to let the anxiety take over, and many times it won anyway, which resulted a blind waitress being called in 5 directions. I've since left that job (i wonder how they get along without me...) and now work at Subway where we still get pretty busy but the stress is much less these days. That is, except Sundays...

I open Subway on Sundays. Which means it doesn't open til I get there, even if it's after 8 o' clock. Way to put the pressure on...but I just don't like getting up in the morning. Today went alright, but we were busy and there's only two of us (well just me til 10 if I'm lucky and they show up on time) til 2 when they third shows up, clocks in, and promptly leaves to buy a coffee (without telling us). now we're getting busy again and we have to waste time looking for number three. Not too busy when he shows again, and I'm really tired now as my stomach wouldn't take breakfast for an answer this morning. So soup sounds good for breaktime...and luckily this Sunday i had one, because when i open there's so much more I feel responsible for and it's hard for me to let someone else take care of something while i take a breather. By this time I'd rather just go home...but I'm off at 4 so i don't have to wait long.

[to the title topic] almost time to punch out, and as opener it's my job to do the cash count. Counted correctly...I like to do the math in my head because it takes me longer to use a calculator (I'm always hitting wrong buttons, and then you have to start all over again!). So when my math came up almost 10 dollars short...panic sets in (this isn't my money here!) and I feel the sting of at-the-ready tears in my eyes. But before it could get too far I figured I should at least do a recount. And that checked out...so it's time for Mr. Calculator to double-check my brain. And with very slow fingers I was proven wrong. I missed a '1' due to bad handwriting (mine)...and why cry over that? That's one small accomplishment for me, anxiety: 0.