Nights That Have Finally Passed

Sky blue eyes above open slowly, lids fluttering and velvet eye lashes quivering. The stillness all around seeps over her, causing her to feel restless, but she is unable to move. Breathing in gently she let's the weight of the world wash over her, the source of its heaviness unknown but the air surrounding her is light. The warmth her bed coaxes her to close her eyes and drift back into her dreams. But she cannot sleep because of the horrifying nightmares that come instead of dreams, memories that haunt and visions that struck intense fear into her heart.
A tear slips from the corner of her eye, a tiny barely audible sob escapes from her lips.
"What have I done?" She whispers to herself repeatedly in the black of night.
She feels her body grow cold as the flashbacks appear in her head. Her confused mind mixing nightmares with haunting memories. Wrapped up in her thick blanket, she shudders as the tears start to pour from her eyes and her breathing becomes erratic.
"Let me go, please let me go," she cries out to the source of her misery, but to no avail the pain rushes in, hitting her with an unmatched magnitude.
She is washed away in the slow unbearable process of letting out all her pain, like she always is every night. She longs to be held close, to be comforted and loved, but she knows she cannot for she is a monster. A being that should never have existed, a thing, a hideous and ugly thing.
A liar, a cheat, a thief, a malicious, knifing and deprived child.
She deserved the pain she suffered, but she could not suffer it with grace, she tried but still she cried out and that is not how it should be done.
She was an adult now, many six year olds are able to look after themselves, so why couldn't she?
Why did she still need to be looked after? That was a privilege that she could not have, she was a horrible monster, the police had come and taken her from her mommy, but they didn't lock her up like they should have, instead they gave her the blessing of being with her dad. A blessing too great to be bestowed upon a worthless being such as herself.
Worn out from crying, she drifts back into the screams of her nightmares...

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I hope that no one else ever thinks like that or has to cry every night and if they do, there's a place in my heart for you, unless you did do something terribly wrong.
invisiblyreal invisiblyreal
18-21, F
May 19, 2012