Always

I've fallen asleep with fresh tears on my face all my life. It's like a routine. I can't deal with life anymore so I curl in a ball and cry till it hurts. I get flashbacks at the simplest things that remind me of them. The ones that took my smile away. The ones that thought it fun to hurt me. The ones eating off my pain and drinking up my tears. I'm so scared I don't know what to do with my life anymore so I just lay on the floor and cry until I can't keep my eyes open anymore. No one knows me. They think they do, but it's all an act. I try to act as though I'm fine but I'm afraid people are starting to see through it. My life is a bottomless pit of monsters, with no ladder to climb out. I'm trapped in my own misery. I don't know what it feel like to be truly happy. All I have is my heart that feel like I've been stabbed and unable to pull the knife out  and it once again causes the salty sea to erupt from me. During the day I can distract myself and push away my feelings so no one sees how hurt I really am, but when I'm alone. Just laying in my cold room all the thoughts and memories surface and when I finally fall asleep, It's with sore eyes and a salty wet face.

WakingUp2Reality WakingUp2Reality
18-21, F
Dec 23, 2009