Why, Mine Isn't Even Human!

Ah, yes, fictional character crushes. Anti-heroes are hot after all, no doubt about it, and quite frankly who can go wrong with that virtuous hunk who'd sacrifice himself to save you from a mere scratch! How about a pretty boy tortured by fate? Or perhaps somebody more like the Beast; misunderstood, but with a heart of gold!

But hey, putting aside these daft and shallow archetypes, there's just so many absolutely riveting characters to choose from. And honestly...it's not some perversion or fallacy to fall for one! 

Unfortunately, like the creep I am, I had to fall for(ugh...) Ansem the Seeker of Darkness, from Kingdom Hearts the video game franchise (y'know, the Disney x Final Fantasy sort-of crossover).

...

There's NOTHING AT ALL redeemable about him. Trust me. He's 1000% villain all the way, and hell, he only looks like a human. HE'S SIMPLY TOO HEARTLESS to be one!

But really...I'm serious. He's literally a freaking monster named a Heartless, the abomination a person becomes after submitting to the darkness in their hearts--he only looks so human just because his heart was just so strong, that it willfully retained its owner's relative form...or something. The only truly interesting thing about him is, well, how his "original" was supposedly one of the good guys but was possessed by some evil bastard and thus forcibly succumbed to the evil within his heart...

...And of whom I don't care whatsoever for.

(Welp. As for the following...I'm glad that I'm still a teenager or I'd be really pitiful and weird sounding? xD.)

What I do care for is the man with the sinister orange eyes and the ridiculously tanned skin who has to be fan service  'cause his eight pack cleavage is all epic looking and out for all the world to see plus GOD DAMMIT IT'S A PG RATED SERIES WHYTHEFUDGE IS HIS SHIRT OPEN--

*coughs*

Most of the thing he says has to do with darkness (we're talking sin here in adult terms)...and hey, there's really nothing much to him. Though the fact is, I feel like he's poison to me, liquid euphoria (lol exaggeration)! There's just something quite thrilling about his (otherwise vapid) grandiose talks and his fetish for the power of darkness. Most of the time (I sigh when he comes up on screen) I'm not sure if I should be turned on or laughing my *** off. 

But one thing's for sure. I definitely just Am. If you catch my drift!

Uh...that was probably the weirdest thing I've ever said. But yeah. Whatever. Maybe it's the fact he's a Large Ham...(go see television tropes .org if you wanna understand that, lol) and maybeeeeeee I have a fetish for that...I just really dunno anymore. 

(Really, if you're still here JUST GTFO ALREADY I'm about to lose it oh and consider this MY real confession cuz the above is just a facade, I like pretending to be logical and smart, this is where it gets kinda inappropriate so teenagers other then me should leave!!)

Just (insert insane keyboard spamming here)...

Omg. I never have had so many dirty thoughts about anybody in my life, I just want to *BEEP* him to last Friday night, and *BEEP* him until both of us drop dead, just om*BEEPING*g, though SCREW EVERYTHING WHY DID HE HAVE TO DIE IN KINGDOM HEARTS I AND WHY MUST HE JUST BE A FIGMENT IN THE INTERQUEL AND IN KINGDOM HEARTS II JUST BE A FAKE! T_T

...

Yes, yes, I know what I'm talking about is lust. That I'm just going on about superficial hogwash, that it's just some sort of chemical imbalance and not love that I'm feeling. Though...

trust me. If he were real, I would not hesitate to spend a eternity in darkness with him, with or without explicit activities being allowed. :I

Thank gosh again that this is Kingdom Hearts I'm talking about so he's probably alive./tearsofjoy

(Ima gonna set this as anon...lol. I await the day far in the future in which I'll dig up this and be filled with unimaginable horror for days.) O.o


















An Ep User An EP User
Jan 13, 2013