Started Too Young

I started cutting when i was only in the 5th grade. Of course being in the 5th grade, you never really knew what you were doing. So i started off cutting with a comb. I didn't get why the cuts weren't showing, so i would spend up to half an hour just scraping myself over and over with the comb to try and feel the pain. and believe me, it worked. everyone saw the cuts, but my mom was so much in denial that she would believe any excuse i gave her so that she didn't have to admit her 12 year old son was cutting. I continued on through 6th grade, but it got worse then. i had found my dad's carpenter razor, so i could make all the cuts i wanted to with just a little pull on the arm. It was my release, before i found music. feeling the blood come out and go down my arm, made me forget how much i hated my life at that time. my friends were worried, but i told them not to. it wasn't like i brought the thing to school. but then i did, to show them. The moment they saw it i was shut out, never spoken to for the rest of the week. I didn't have a friend in the world at the time. When i finally put together that i was being shunned because of my cutting, i gathered all my friends and had them watch as i threw the razor in the trash can. i was welcomed back with open arms. i would like to, love, to say that this was the end of my cutting. but it wasn't. in 8th grade my cutting came back, as school grades, sports, and extreme drama at home was causing me to become worse than before. My mom though, being paranoid since she heard about my other cutting episode, caught it within the first 2 weeks. we talked, and i convinced her that i was better. but of course i wasn't, i couldn't be if she hadn't fixed what was making me depressed:her. so our fighting episodes got bigger, until i was thrown out of the house by her. i just ran and cried, heading towards the one friend i knew i could trust. Apparently my step dad knew i was close with him too, because he cut me off a block before his house. I was beaten senseless that night, and could barely remember what had happened in the morning. The next day i was checked into a mental institute. they didn't help, but the time in there gave me time to think about how i wanted my life to be as time went on . I am disappointed to say that i haven't reached that goal yet, but i'm trying, day by day, one step at a time.
Flareguy Flareguy
18-21, M
1 Response Jul 28, 2010

i understand what it like to cut i started in 7th grade out desire i used a box cutter. i have my mother put me down and i cried but i rised again so i pray you continue with your goal if you help with mine