Daddy Issues Confirmed

I've never met my biological father.. well, I guess technically I did when I was 3 and he got out of prison, but other than that he's never been in my life. When I was 14 he filed for a paternity test and stated that he wanted visitation with me. After confirming that I am, in fact, his daughter, he changed his mind. He has two other children, both boys, that don't even know that I exist.
I don't care about him in the least, because I don't know him. But the fact that I've never seen or spoken to my brothers kills me.
I think that this (non-existent) relationship with my father has caused problems in my love life as well. When I was 15 I got with the first guy that looked at me and we were together (off and on) until I was 22. He was emotionally, physically, and mentally abusive but I just couldn't make myself stay away. I'd break up with him after I found out he'd been cheating, and within in a month I'd forgiven him and we were back together. Almost 2 years ago I finally called it quits. I left him for good.
Within a week I was dating a guy that I'd been friends with (who was also friends with my ex) for over 2 years. He and I moved to a different town and things seemed to be going well until I realized that he had issues of his own.
We broke up recently because I couldn't deal with his jealously and the fact that he was a control freak.
Now I'm a mess. I won't get back with him because I'm not going to let history repeat itself.. but I'm just a mess inside.
I'm sure that this sounds petty and like I'm just looking for attention, but I've never told anyone these things before. I know I probably need some kind of counseling, but I can't afford it. I just want to be happy being alone, but it seems impossible.
I don't know what to do or where to go from here. I just don't want to feel like this anymore.
KatieRae KatieRae
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 9, 2013

My dad never liked me and convinced my mum to put me up for adoption...:'( inbox me