4.5 yrs ago my husband of 12 yrs left me and our 3 kids for another woman. It was New Yrs and as I sat at home with our then 6 yr old daughter and 9 mo. Old twin boys I received a call from my husband stating he was not coming back, as he sat drinking at a bar. I was a mess, he left me with a house in foreclosure, no money for bills, as he wiped out our accounts. I was a traditional stay at home mom with no income. I spent the first month alone with no help from anyone, I tried getting approved for welfare but because he was, and I quote "capable of paying me money" even though he wasn't and the car I had that was financed was worth too much money, oh and the big kicker "I was not physically abused" by their standards, I guess holding a gun to your wife's head during your marriage and saying your going to kill her is not physical abuse bc he didn't touch me. So none the less I didn't qualify for free legal services either. I filed for divorce as soon as I could come up with the money, first court date rolled around and was told we had to go into mediation. Course he walked in with an expensive lawyer and I did not. I was made to feel useless by the mediator and was told it would prob be in my best interest to leave the house and let him move back in with the kids so he could save the house and the kids would have a stable place to stay while I got on my feet and could then have the kids back. "BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE"! I was nieve and he knew it. They day I left the house, was the day he moved her in with him and the kids and that was the moment he started making my life a pure living hell. I moved into my moms Highrise for disabled adults and was immediately cut off from my kids. I was blocked from phone calls with the kids and my life was spiraling down further every day. He called my moms building manager anonymously letting her know I was there illegally as to have me kicked out so I would have no place to live. I was homeless, broke and he was putting me through hell. Every time I brought him to court, I was a joke. I was treated like I did something terribly wrong. They always favored him. I was a mess. There was a weekend I was to take them for the wknd and my place to stay fell through, I had to drop the kids off to him at his sisters as it was cutting into his drinking time, as it was a cook out he became enraged, I entered the yard with my kids and was attacked by a party goer, she tried to strangle me in front of the kids while her husband held my arms behind my back. Non the less I filed charges against this person and won. But this was never taken into consideration in our court case. Every time they wanted us to come to an agreement I was pressured into signing and pressured into believing it was all for the best interest of the kids! Finally after enduring his bull for a yr straight I felt like I couldn't take it anymore, I had no one and no help from my family. I had finally got an apartment but quickly lost my job and was losing my apartment. He was also not letting the kids come see me. I stupidly took a bunch of pills in an effort to end it all. I ended up hospitalized for 2 wks and during that time he gained emergency temp custody. That moment in my life was life changing. I was also ordered supervised visits 1 half day a week at that point. The doctor at the hospital wrote a letter to the court that stated how I was mentally fine, just going through a rough time and I was perfectly capable of being with my children, it was given to the judge and it mysteriously disappeared from my files. I was ordered to pay child support! At that point I have up, every lawyer I spoke to wouldn't help without a 5k retainer. I decided this was going to be no more. I enrolled in school full time, graduated from the top of my class, got hired off my internship in pediatrics, got my own apartment, got a better job in family and internal medicine, got great benefits, bought a new car, have a great boyfriend and then....my now 11 yr old daughter calls me crying stating she can't take it anymore, her fathers drinking all the time and he's always angry. My twin boys now 5 are stating the same concerns. I immediately file an emergency custody hearing and actually had an attorney meet me the night before and offered his services with no retainer and went to court with me the next day! The look on my Ex's face when I walked in with a lawyer was priceless, it felt good. But, even with the lawyer the judge did not take me seriously. I guess she didn't feel it was an emergency cause she said she would send her orders to my lawyer and it's been 2 wks and still no word on anything. I guess it's not really in the best interest of the children, so they say. I'm hoping they start an investigation with a GAL. it's really what I wanted anyway. In the meantime my ex is talking to the kids saying things like " if I get full custody, I'll make sure mom has to pay more than half the child support so she can't afford her apartment anymore and you guys won't be able to stay there anymore. My kids are all acting angry, one of my 5 yr olds is a ball if anxiety and is acting out all the time. I even got dcf involved bc of his drinking and anger. I just don't get why I'm not taken seriously EVER! The judge even said, I don't constitute this as an emergency. Am I missing something here? It's so frustrating. I'm watching my daughter turn into a frail follower who's afraid of her father and wants to leave. She wants to get out of there and live with me. But they don't seem to care what she wants, since she's only 11. I really hope they take her voice into consideration. Before it's too late and the damage is done to all 3 of them.
strongerbytheday strongerbytheday
41-45, F
2 Responses Aug 20, 2014

My ex withheld my children for 47 days. I filed an emergency motion and was also denied. Keep up the fight for your kids!

These stories scare me. I just lost my daughter 3 weeks ago. N I have no idea how it happened.

that is what abusers do and how they ruin you.The same happened to me years ago,in the UK,Europe.I lost custody of a toddler to his father who abused me severely,sadistically,went out every night,womanised. I am a very good mother and the child was thriving in my care while dad was always putting himself first.This is happening in the whole of the Western world now,abusers mainly file for custody and win hands down,even the worst fathers imaginable,batterers,womanisers,serious abusers,even paedophiles,crooks of all sorts. Women are totally unaware of how few rights,if any,they have if they get involved with a sociopath. They are just incubators.There is a huge campaign going on,globally,on FB, Dr Phyllis Chesler (wrote MOthers on Trial),Charles Pragnell,Barry Goldstein,Dr Mo Hannah,Dr MIchael Flood,Lundy Bancroft,Randy Burton,Homayra Sellier,Dr Garland Waller, Courageous Kids Nertwork (www.courageouskids.net) and tens of other academics and thousands of mothers.The UN even turn a blind eye knowing this is happening globally on a huge scale.