I Made Them....

I now have two appiritions.
I made them appear. I based them on real life images and experiences, but I didn't do this willingly.
They're part of my imagination, but a part that won't go away.

The oldest is the Demon with the Silver Fingers.
He came about from self harm and my continuing issues with it. His silver fingers are the razor blades and knives I use on myself. He came from a dream in which I stood by and watched me cutting whilst the Demon looked on smiling.
He is visually based on Dracula from Blade Trinity, the final fight between Blade and Dracula sees Dracula morph into a huge demon like creature with horns.
He looks like that but has blades and metal shears for hands like Edward Scissorhands.

The Demon with the Silver Fingers is always lurking at the edge of my consciousness. Stalking almost, waiting for me to sink into depression or frustration again so he can come in again. He's almost like a parasite which feeds on me and makes me do these things. I will occasionally make myself think I can see him in real life. Leaning on a fencepost or doorway.

The second is Kratos the Black Monk.
He is recent, as recent as last night. I very occasionally fight myself mentally. Kratos came in the form of a vision of a black hooded figure staring at me from the centre of a field. It was almost like a sepia photograph from a horror movie. But this progressed as I continued fighting. Eventually it came as a vision of me looking in a mirror then the figure in the mirror becoming me under the hood and with scars on my face.
I will have visions of self harm which I feel I must carry out. One of the recent ones was of scars on my face around and near my left eye. This is what I saw under the hood in the mirror.
The hooded top he's wearing is one I wanted to buy. So he's based on that. Its called a cratos hoodie so I just added that to it.

Kratos just looks at me, he's the most recurring of the two. I'll get random flashes of him in my head where he shouldn't be. Always its me though, is face is mine just with more damage to it.
I know I'll do those scars one day. And I want to buy the hoodie so I know I'll look the same.

Let me point out, I'm not crazy, I don't talk to these appiritions. I don't pretend they're real. I know they're part of the stuff going on inside my head. I know I'm making them up. They're just the faces I've given to whatever is going on inside me.
But these will not go away. They will not leave. I feel like the images are branded inside my mind. Locked away in something I can't fight or reach.
AgeonAngel AgeonAngel
Jul 16, 2010