Just Realized I Have Dpd

So my whole life, I've always thought there was something wrong with me, from a young age I was scared of growing up and doing everything on my own. When I did end up moving out, it was to dorms that had a cafeteria and most things provided for us. I ended up rooming with my best friend, towards whom I feel I had become emotionally dependent on. I spent all my time trying to impress him and get reassurance instead of focusing on my own tasks. Over time, we had a falling out, but at the same time, I got into a relationship which made me feel okay with losing my best friend. Over time, we reconciled and I became extremely clingy towards my girlfriend. Whenever we would argue, I would back down immediately and I became extremely fixated on her past romantic life. Over time, I began to really withdraw from any activities I could do on my own and would often skip class and call in sick to work to spend extra time with her. It would get to the point where I was anxious and miserable when she would go out to do her own things, and I would look forward to nothing more except seeing her for days on end. I got really lazy, because I felt like she could do most of the things I wanted or needed for me and almost expected her to. I would never make the bed, because she would most days when she'd get home. So after about 2 and a half years, she broke up with me, saying she was miserable. Now I feel so devastated. This was about a month ago. For the first 2 weeks, I felt almost fine, because I was here with my family. Then, after I moved back to my college town, I got my own room. Every day I tried to hang out with friends. At first, I thought this was just a way to distract me from thinking about my ex girlfriend, but over time, I realized that I would panic when I was all the way alone. Even when I would be doing homework assignments at home, I felt really anxious unless I played a TV show or a movie on my computer. At the moment, I went back home for the week to be with my family as I really didn't want to be alone this week, most of my friends are busy with their own things. Anyways, I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to overcome this on my own, I don't really have money to see a therapist or anything like that and really want to get over this as soon as I can to move on with my life and become a regular person. Thanks in advance for any help you guys might give, anything would be really useful.
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 23, 2013

hey! you just broke up with her and you need to give yourself some time. keep yourself involved. join an art class, or a creative writing class and write down whatever you feel in a way to vent it out. you will emerge strong if you think you can. Just believe in yourself and believe that you are not dependent. you are a strong independent man. all the best :D Do think about joining the classes.