Finally Somewhere I Belong

hey my names candy and im new to this, god i know the feeling i was so scared at one point i didnt leave my house for 3 months, its hard for me to deal with this **** because i have a partner and a 2 yr old daughter and i know the numb feeling its breaking my heart and when i was younger i was abused my whole life by people who were suppossed to love me the most (mum & dad) and i remember the feeling of when i thought my heart was breaking and i dont feel it anymore, i fight with my partner sometime to feel somethink and when my daughter does something naughty i dont feel mad and i yell at her because all i feel know is "WHATS THE POINT".... I've been suffering this disorded since i eas 6yrs old and i learnt to supress it like everything else traumatic in my life and one day i found out i had ovarian sists and i had to have an operation this was about 2 months ago and when i came out of the anesthetic my head felt funny and i was in this vertigo since, but i let you no something anesthetic can trigger depersonlisation it is proven. i know just set my life on routine mode and it only consists of doin the chores for my daughter you know... but im still scared to leave the house i buy everything we need off the internet even  the ******* shopping, i dont kno if mine is severe so please if you have a worst story i think it help me..... i feel im goin insane. i just wants all of you people out there you's are all special to me bacause for once "I' HAVE FOUND SOMEWHERE I BELONG" LOL cheers 
troubledcandy troubledcandy
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 11, 2010

Don't worry. You're not alone. There is help out there. I often think I'm going insane as well. The thing that triggered my depersonalization was smoking weed. The doctors say anything could've triggered it, but that's what happened to trigger it this time. It's different for every person. Like for you, it happened to be the anesthetic that triggered your DP! I feel like I'm in a dream all the time, like i'm in my own little world. It's like --- I'm not here, but then again, I know I am here. You know what I mean? It's like I'm observing everything from the outside, even talking is an effort and scary --- as the words don't seem like mine anymore. Life is like a nightmare that I only wish I could wake up from. Don't worry, you're not the only one out there that feels like you're going insane. Call someone... get help, because it is out there. I've just started getting help, and I haven't noticed anything getting worse. Things will always get better before they ever get worse! Mine is still here and has been for three months now. I just keep praying & hoping for the best, and I expect you to do the same. And just remember, things could always be worse. Hang in there, best wishes, (:

yea i love this site its the only one ive found where peolpe actually post meaningful responses instead of just spam. its also maistream enough that if u tell someone u use it, they wont think youre weird. as opposed to say<br />
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i know how it feels not to want to shop at stores. alone, anyway. sometimes i go to walmart as opposed to nicer stores because i know its full of freaks so they wont judge me. hahaha. yea.