Detached From My Experiences For 8 Years

I haven't shared my story before. I'm 23 and have had continual derealization/depersonalization for 8 years and 3 months. It started a day after I smoked marijuana when I was 15. That night I had an emotionally upsetting experience and went to sleep high. When I woke up I felt like I was in a dream, like what I was experiencing in the absolute present seemed very much the same to experiencing a memory, like my observation and experience were severed. I had the sensation as a kid many times before when it was late or I suddenly felt disoriented but it would suddenly vanish after a few minutes to half an hour. I had never woken up feeling this way before. I remember that day, being startled that I felt like I was in a dream when I woke up, minutes passed and I still felt that way, I went to school and the hours of the morning slowly passed and it still didn't go away, the end of the day came, I went to sleep, and opened my eyes the next day and was horrified I still felt like I was detached from reality. Now 8 years later I still feel detached. I keep hearing from psychology that it is just a symptom of anxiety, that the mind detaches from experiencing the world in response to danger. Which may be correct, but I don't feel anxious all the time, but I am detached all the time. It seems if it was caused by anxiety, there must have been at least a few seconds in the last 8 years when I wasn't anxious, and theoretically I should have experienced those seconds without derealization, but I haven't experienced a second since then without feeling detached. I really really hope its possible for someone to be derealized for 8 years and then one day not be derealized any more, the way it would wear off when I was kid. If it is possible I wish I knew how I could not be derealized any more. Has anyone had it continually for years and then one day they were not derealized any more? I don't mean someone who learned to accept it, or ignore it, I mean not be derealized any more. If that has happened to anyone, what caused you to not be derealized anymore?

An Ep User An EP User
Jan 12, 2013