Immune

I have had various levels of depression for my whole life, but it became a real problem after losing my first love 6 years ago. It took about 6 months of going through absolute hell before i found my cure: percocet. it was great. it cured everything. for the next 5 years, i enjoyed the gentle high of oxycodone-based pills to drown out my emotions. Now, i will not say i was an addict, because of the lack of extent i went to to obtain/use these, plus the fact that i was able to quit on my own when the financial cost became too great for my income. One problem though, when i quit, all my depression returned, and BAD. i tried to kill myself countless times before my father insisted on me trying treatment. So i went to an outpatient clinic to talk to a licenced counselor, and a psychiatrist every so often. Well, first i tried symbalta (Because i also have fibromyalgia (which may be causing the depression)) which is an SNRI. I found out that i can't take these because it causes me to become exponentially more depressed and suicidal. (which happens to a small group of people). Whatever I thought, then my psychiatrist put me on fluoxatine (generic SSRI), the 2nd kind of anti depressant. After 6 days of strange side affects, i had a massive reaction to it, and almost died! either im allergic, or i am highly susceptible to seratonin syndrom which is fatal -.-
Because of my other medical problems, i am unable to even try MAOI's, the third anti-depressant. So here i am, no health insurance, a handful of mental health problems, a bucketload of other medical problems, and completely unable to legally deal with any of them. I hate my life, and i'm probably 3 really bad days in a row from taking a sharp blade to my wrist (again) thank you for reading
nephandai nephandai
26-30, M
1 Response Apr 28, 2011

typo: Whatever should be in quotes