Struggling

Have started struggling as my doctor has cut down my meds. She thinks they may be causing my liver to produce harmful enzymes so has suggested I try cutting them down with a view to trying something else if I'm finding it hard, well I am. My mood has been all over the place for the last week or so and I have started self harming again, yes at my age. I really dont know why I'm putting this here but I feel a bit desperate and it's late at night so I can't see the doctor till the morning.   I find it hard to talk to my friends and family and find it better to share with the community here as people close to me will get upset if they know I'm not coping again. I can't even contemplate telling my mother as I am her carer and she's far too fragile to handle anything like that.
I just feel mounting pressure from without and within and something happened to upset me which set off the self loathing and feelings of hopelessness and desperation. I'm ashamed to say that I felt relief and tiredness when I harmed but it was a desperate attemp to relieve the pressure.
Eggyegg Eggyegg
46-50, F
May 7, 2012