Alone

In early October of 2012 I was relapsing back into my depressive state but I had friends to help me through it. After a while they started getting annoyed with me and I didn't understand why. One day I snapped at something one of them said and they all (5 of my closest friends) got up and left me in the area. I was mad so I put up some stuff on my status but I didn't really mean it and they got upset. I tried to talk to them and waited for them to have a talk with me with whatever they felt was the problem with me, but they never did. I kept apologizing and finally they said they didn't like my attitude and that I was "negative" and that they didn't need that in their lives right now. They asked for a break from me and I said okay because I wanted them to be happy and I hoped it wouldn't be long. They made it seem like we were still friends but at school they didn't look at me. They didn't acknowledge my presence at all. They did all the same things together that I would do with them and over Christmas break only 1 wished me a merry Christmas and only 2 wished me a happy birthday (January 2nd). And now school is back and they are still acting as if I don't exist. Everyone at school is in their own cliques and I'm always by myself. No one talks to me if they say i look sad but they wont make an effort to talk to me, so I just stay in the library until I have class. The boy I love won't talk to me cause we got in a fight and he's re-friended the girl he would cheat on me with. The only real friend I have is in another school and she can barely use the phone because of her mom so I literally have no one to talk to. And I'm so depressed I cry everyday and I relapsed into self harm by cutting and burning and bulimia. I don't know how much more I can take of this I'm so lonely and I feel like no one cares and I'm so hurt that these people who said they loved me could do this to me. Maybe it's because no matter how bad my attitude was I could never leave anyone when they are hurting. I've never done that. I've never outrightly disrespected any of them and the fact that they dropped me like this. And blocked me and act as if I don't exist and like I never impacted their lives hurts me to the point where I can't be around them in school without the urge to cry. I'm so alone. I needed them. I need them. But they don't care or need me and it kills me that I'm here right now. I just want someone to genuinely care for me.i don't want to be alone anymore.