Who Knows Really

i don't know how long I've been sad for. It has been a really long time though. I've thought of killing myself before. I cut myself. Just over time, it kinda goes up and down of how i feel. Sometimes i feel like dying, other times I'm just not very energetic. I've looked at websites, done the checklists, and they all say that i have depression. I've never been to the Doctor though. They scare me. I don't' want to take pills, they scare me even more (and i can't swallow them). I'm just really scared that if i were to go to the Doctor he would say you're and idiot, you don't have depression. You made it all up. Then what would i do. I would have been over reacting my entire life I guess, over something.... Everything i felt would have been fake. But how are you suppose to know anyways? I don't want it, thats for sure. But i don't want to be lieing to myself. Does that even make sense?
jaisikae jaisikae
26-30, F
4 Responses Aug 9, 2007

I have depression..I have had it since i was 12 im now 20. I jus want to say it doesnt ever reli leave you, mine comes back every now and again and trust me i no how you feel!! But i no how to deal with it.. its different for everyone but when i get depressed there is normally a place i want to go lately its been london but at times its jus been a random road or beach sumwhere that i hav been before and its made me happy even for a minute, it changes everytime but theres always somewhere. I go alone or with someone depending and i jus sit and think i tell myself 5 things over and over again that i love and about the future i want untill i feel a bit better then i can leave. I once sat on a bench near a lake for 16 hours!! But thats how i deal with it. As ive got older and met more people that make me happy i dont see depressed as much sometimes not for years and years..i would just say dont go to the doctors they give you pills that dont work and nobody who doesnt have depression doesnt understand..you help yourself your mind a pill wont do anything but tell your mind its meant to work =) i hope this helps

I have a few things to say...<br />
<br />
The first is, that no matter what the underlying reason for your feelings, they will always be valid. They are *your* feelings, they are what they are. A diagnosis of clinical depression or a lack of a diagnosis does not change what you *feel*. The emotions are real, regardless, no classification of them will ever make them 'fake'.<br />
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Whether or not you are formally diagnosed with depression or not is really about finding what the right path to helping you feel better is :)<br />
<br />
And if you don't want to start by seeing a doctor, why not start by seeing a counselor? If a doctor is required, they may know a doctor whom you are likely to feel more comfortable with.

I feel like that some days too. I've taken the tests, and even though they may help to diagnose you (if its needed) only you can look for help. If you're not ready to see the doctors, don't see them. Until then, find people and things that make you happy, and go with it.

Yes, of course you would be diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, and probably Dysthymia and Anxiety or substance abuse if you're lucky. That isn't the point. Anti-depressants are only one way. Try to live your life against the tide in your head, for yourself. Be strong and know that this too will pass.