Quietly Falling Apart

I cant keep this in anymore. Im tired of going to school and putting a huge smile on my face. I hate being the one to having to cheer people up when inside im 2 inches away from falling apart. I hate how people are so self absorbed that they cant see whats in front of them. Punishment for having attitude problems? Huge drop in grades? Quite clearly somethings wrong here but everyone blames it on the most ludacris things! And the strange thing is half the time i dont know if i want to tell anyone whats going on with me. Because i dont think THIS can be fixed.
My problem: Im supposed to go to school, graduate, get my diploma, and continue on to college. But... how will i even pay for college? I am not a stupid girl, but there are just things that i cannot do. I will not be able to get a scholarship. Why? Thats too much work and effort for something that hundreds of kids smarter than i will be entering for. And im so afraid, so afraid, that when i get older i will end up working in a super market, retail store, etc, and end up making minimum wage for the rest of my life. Theres nothing wrong with working minimum wage, in fact my mom does it. But i KNOW im meant for so much more than that. Im not sure anyone understands this feeling but it KILLS me when i think of myself doing jobs like that. I honestly dont think life could get much better than what it is now.
Im constantly surrounded by people but i always feel alone. People just dont care about anyone but themselves, and thats the truth. People are so full of hate and constantly focus on negative things every single damn day. Im good. Im a good person. I have my negatives but im okay. But people dont see that. They make snap judgements about me before we even share a sentence. I dont like being judged for what im not. I just want everyone to get away from me. I feel like i dont belong anywhere. Not im my own family, not at school, not anywhere. I just want to be alone. And this all hurts so much because people expect me to be happy, to be the crazy fun person that i am at school. But thats just not me anymore. And i have to keep up this facade. But sometimes the real me slips out at school. I hate those days. 
No one knows about this inner battle im having inside.
I recently experimented in cutting myself.
I used to be a whole other person, but she's gone now.
Metal and screamo music, thats whats keeping me going at this point.   
Never before have i ever let out what im feeling before, and i just had to. I had to.