Not Looking Forward to This Week!

I have been feeling so depressed especially this past week. I was crying my eyes out for long hours and just feeling really terrible. Sometimes I just feel as if everything that happens in my life is my fault and yet realistically it isn't. I'm getting my exam results for exams I wrote in January this year and I know I failed them because I missed a lot of school as I was too depressed to go into school. Everyone keeps telling me that I will get the surprise of my life on Thursday when the results arrive but I doubt it. It's like I really know I didn't make it. Then other people who know what I've been through in the past few months are telling me that it doesn't matter if the results aren't so good because I haven't been myself. But I hate to excuse myself from performing well because I am going through a hard time. I'm sure so many people are going through a hard time and they are doing well in life, why can't I do that?

I've been stressing so much, I had two panic attacks yesterday and my appetite has really increased over the past few days. I really don't know what to do! I guess I'll just have to wait for Thursday and see what will happen. I have a pyschiatrist assesment tomorrow and I'm worried about that as well. I sort of feel like people are beginning to think I'm mad because when things get too much I just run off to get some fresh air and ignore everyone's calls. I self-harm occassionaly too but I just can't help it. I talk about dying and killing myself but I know I will never get round to doing that because I am scared of hurting myself too much.

misscry misscry
18-21, F
3 Responses Mar 8, 2009

You have depression most likely so therfore your lows are really low not just the blues so to get through that is nothing short of amazing. If you are sad that is normal and okay yet it is important for you to know the difference. If you are beating yourself up and making yourself guilty then it is more likely depression. Depression isn't sadness it is a disease of the mind where you are more prone chemically to think really negative thoughts not by choice without treatment. However once you get the treatment then you have a choice to change your behavior and thoughts for the better. It is not an easy process and could take a long time however never give up. You were put on this earth for a reason and possess many talents and wonderful things to share. You are more than what you feel.

thank you.

you are doing the best for you right now. talking about what this jerk did to you i am so sorry i wish i could be there to help you keep in touch know i care