Suffering For Years, But Can't Pinpoint When It All Begun.

I didn't even know there was something out there that would define what has been going on with me. I have known that I suffer from anxiety, and I have been taking zoloft which does help with my depression but my anxiety is still the same.

I feel like I am in a bubble, I've tried to explain this to my fiance' and mother but they never understood, I thought it was 'normal' like everyone felt this way until I brought it up to them and realized it's not.

I feel like i'm in a dream, constantly. Like floating, everything is in slow motion, and it's hard to focus, read, I lose concentration and give up on whatever I'm reading, I just can't do it all the words blur together.

When I'm walking into a store, I feel like everyone is staring at me, and my heart starts to race, and I feel like this womp womp womp in my head and I just get super nervous. Like is there something wrong with me does my hair look stupid is it the shoes I'm wearing is it bc they think I'm hideous etc.

I start to try to figure out how to fix myself and get help but then I always give up, it's like this gets the best of me and I drift off into space and don't come back for a while and realize I need to get this under control. It's an on going thing, and it seems never ending.

Like, I can try to think about what I just wrote and its just jumble in my head, I can't even concentrate on what I even said or remember. Past isn't clear to me, I can't remember much nor feelings about things and I feel disconnected like life isn't real and nothing bad can happen to me or my family. IDK like death isn't real IDK but if anyone feels this way I do please talk to me, I need to talk to someone who is like me, I've gone so long not being able to connect with someone. It's so hard.
owlalwaysbe owlalwaysbe
2 Responses Nov 28, 2012

I know exactly how you feel. I've had derealization for about a year now. I'm not even really sure how it started but I've had it for the longest time. I think about it all the time because it's so obvious. It feels like I'm in a blurry dream that I can't wake up from. I can't really concentrate and it's hard for me to remember things. I can't ever really enjoy experiences because I kinda just live in the moment and it doesn't seem real. It's really hard to explain too. I finally just told my mom today. I'm 18. Hopefully we can get better some day.

I know exactly how you feel. I am in university and my derealisation which nobody around me seems to have is like you described it. It got so bad after I drank some strong vodka like drink. The next day I felt empty and alone. It is scary to feel alone in a world with billions. Its not that I don't have a friend. I see him through strange eyes. It is like I died. I am trying to cope and pray. I just have to hold on to hope that It will get better. I also feel like I don't understand the mechanics of life or what it is.