I Don't Want To Live Like This Anymore

Everyday is another day I wish I wasn't alive. The people around me, the home I live in, all of my belongings are so unfamiliar. Mentally, I know my name, birthday my home address but when I look around me I don't recognize anything.


Its almost as if I was placed somewhere I've never been. You don't know how scary and frustrating this is. Its not just the derealization that puts me over the edge, its the constant message in my mind telling me I shouldn't be alive. I'm not suicidal, i'm not going to kill myself. I just wish I didn't have to live like this. My psychiatrist doesn't understand and the medication doesn't help. I no longer have a therapist because he moved to another state and he really wasn't much help in the first place. I'm scared. I don't have anyone to help me, I live alone with my mother and I have no friends or anyone to confide in. I don't want to live like this anymore.

ghostlys ghostlys
18-21, M
4 Responses Jan 17, 2013

and if you dont believe in God, just try the stuff i told you about relaxing, it is scary and feels impossible, but gradually you will come to. and try praying anyway, it cant hurt. you may notice you feel something you havent before

Hey man, honestly I have been going through EXACTLY what you have for the past month and a half. I went through a tramautic experience, had a huge panic attack, and went into extreme anxiety and derealization for a long time. It was HORRIBLE, something I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy. and i know this sounds IMPOSSIBLE, and you feel like there is no way out, but i promise you, it will not last forever. I prayed really hard, and kept praying, and eventually I got through to God and knew he was there. Once you get to God, he will puull you through the rest. Imagine someone who can control everything (even your minds abilities) and that person knows everything about you, how many hairs on your head, knew you since you were in the womb, and LOVES you. That is God, and he doesnt want you to live like this either. Trust and pray in him and he will help get you out. Also, make sure not to panic, or worry, (as impossible as that sounds) just relax and go with the flow. This will let your brain relax and stop putting you into derealization mode. it is technically a self defense mechanism, temporary and will eventually go away i promise. Stay strong brother, I was just as hopeless feeling as you, and now I am just returning to normal. i promise you will too.

I know what you mean. I am in college and it's hard to focus. When my mom calls me since i'm far from home, I feel like I don't know who she is or I never had a past with her. I feel lonely too because each time I hang out or go to a pub I feel like my head is going to explode. Stay strong. I hope and pray you at least improve. It gets easier as time passes. Just don't do narcotics or think negatively.

Hello, I am lu, I was just perusing the interweb when I, by absolute chance, stumbled across your post. I felt as though my chest had collapsed when I read your post, mostly because of the depressing fact that I feel relatively the same as you, with exception to a few things.
I was wondering, doubting but still wondering, if you'd be interested in me as a sort of confidant. I understand you don't know me, and I to am not very bubbly and outgoing, as I have little to no friends either, I find my cynical dryness tends to put people off haha, but I am a avid listener. If you care to entertain my invitation for a friendship, just drop me a line. Please.
-Lu