I Hate It.

It is disgusting. It is self-defeating. IT HURTS. But I can't freaking stop.
I want to, and I've tried again and again. But it never lasts.
I usually pick my face, at acne, or any other blemishes. Which, of course, leads to more problems.
And I pick at my shoulders, and my chest. My boobs! It's absolutely revolting.
It is my one true secret. It is embarrassing and time consuming and makes me feel like absolute ****.
I want help, but I don't even know where to find it. I don't know what to do.
I am frustrated.
I do it when I am anxious, I do it when I am bored. Sometimes I don't even notice I'm doing it!

I even hate typing it out here, even though I know there are many on the same boat. Unlike most things, writing about this hasn't made me feel any better. I want to stop. I want to not write about it again.
TheGinger TheGinger
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 14, 2010

TheGinger, I'm posting the same thing to you that I posted to 'bluehorse', who is also a newcomer. I'm doing this because I hope my post will help you as well.<br />
<br />
Be strong.<br />
<br />
Many of the people who came to this website weren't able to go 1 day without picking, and they have so far been able to go pick-free for days, weeks and even months on end by learning to control the habit. I know this from reading many other posts and from my own personal experience.<br />
<br />
Please read my post on "Tips on Stopping the Picking". It has some important and helpful tips on quitting. Also, be sure to read other people's stories. It helps put things in perspective and reminds you that you are not alone. After all, it is estimated that over 5% of the population are afflicted with dermatillomania. It's just that many of those who have it are too ashamed/embarrassed to come out in public and say it (and admittedly so) because it seems to be such a taboo. So to those of us who do seek help, we feel alone.<br />
<br />
Just remember one thing: do not make clear skin a goal. That is a short-sighted goal that will never, ever hold up against your habit. Even if you try hard, it will fail you because clear skin is a sort of media fabrication that puts impossible standards and pressure on everyone. By that same logic we should all be a size 0 with long straight hair and perfect features. Nobody is perfect.<br />
<br />
Instead, make stopping the picking your goal. Say that, no matter what happens, even if you end up with scars and scabs/hyperpigmentation, your only goal is to quit the habit. Not to rid of the scars and redness. Having such a goal in mind makes it a lot easier and clearer to focus on actually getting rid of your habit, as opposed to getting rid of the scabbing and scarring. I know it's hard because right now all you see are these marks on yourself and you want to get rid of them. But trust me, get the image of clear skin out of your head. For now, just focus on stopping the habit and doing what you can to eliminate picking intensity/time. The improved skin texture/health will follow.<br />
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Feel free to email me,<br />
<br />
filful

Google mental/behavioral health services in your area. Places that treat OCD might be able to help you. Give them a call. If that's too big of a step, maybe try an anonymous helpline. Also browse the stories on here for some tips. Keep posting if you need more help. Writing/talking about it can be painful, but it's necessary. It sounds like you are really motivated to stop, so I bet you will be able to once you reach out and ask for help. Good luck, and keep us posted.