Shame

I wasn't aware that there was a scientific name for this, I just thought I might be a bit crazy.  And once I did discover the name for it and I found this group, I decided not to join it because I was ashamed of doing it.

However, just this past Sunday, something happened and I thought I'd join, maybe find others who can help me get through this. 

My husband, whom I'm separating from, noticed that my arm was bad again, showing signs of "picking".  And he asked why I was doing it.  I told him I was anxious.  He asked about what and I simply said, "Everything."  I didn't want to go into how I'm sad about my "romance/play" with XD has ended and how I'm worried about my Marine.  And how I'm certain I'll never be loved sexually again.  Thankfully, he left it at that.

On our way home from lunch, he said, "No matter what you think about how I feel about you, I hate seeing you hurt yourself.  You can talk to me.  You know that, right?"  Well, that really touched me. 

I just started to realize that this disorder is worse when I'm anxious.  There are times when I don't even realize that I'm doing it.  I hate it.  I'm ashamed of it.  I wish I could stop.