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Shame

I wasn't aware that there was a scientific name for this, I just thought I might be a bit crazy.  And once I did discover the name for it and I found this group, I decided not to join it because I was ashamed of doing it.

However, just this past Sunday, something happened and I thought I'd join, maybe find others who can help me get through this. 

My husband, whom I'm separating from, noticed that my arm was bad again, showing signs of "picking".  And he asked why I was doing it.  I told him I was anxious.  He asked about what and I simply said, "Everything."  I didn't want to go into how I'm sad about my "romance/play" with XD has ended and how I'm worried about my Marine.  And how I'm certain I'll never be loved sexually again.  Thankfully, he left it at that.

On our way home from lunch, he said, "No matter what you think about how I feel about you, I hate seeing you hurt yourself.  You can talk to me.  You know that, right?"  Well, that really touched me. 

I just started to realize that this disorder is worse when I'm anxious.  There are times when I don't even realize that I'm doing it.  I hate it.  I'm ashamed of it.  I wish I could stop.  

CuriosityKitten CuriosityKitten 31-35, F 3 Responses Nov 3, 2008

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Probably not.

I'm on anti-depressants, but they seem to not be working as well. I guess I need new meds.

WOW I CANT BELIEVE IT I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR HTE NAME OF THIS DISORDER FOR MANY YR NOW. I HAVE IT AND HAVE HAD IT SINCE I WAS AT LEAST 7YRS OLD, AWFULLY LONG NAME I WROTE IT DOWN SO I COULD REMEBER IT AND YES WHEN YR ANXIETY IS WORSE U DO IT MORE I PICK OUT MY EYE LASHES AND MY EYE BROWS I AM A LITERAL CRAZY PERSON OVER IT I HAVE TO SHAVE MY EYEBROWS EVERY DAY SO I WONT PCK UNTIL THEE ARE SORES, ALSO MY ARMS TO AND MY LEGS I PICK AT, I DONT KNOW WATHER THERE IS SOMETHING THAT U CAN TAKE FOR IT LIKE MEDS BUT I WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO TAKE IT IF THERE WAS, THANKS FOR THE LETTER I NOW KNOW WHAT IT IS CALLED.