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I Hate Myself For It...

For over 15 years iv been continuously chewing the skin on my fingers, i have a serious lack of feeling in my fingers now. It looks absolutely awful! I have people telling me "stop biting your fingers its disgusting" and i know that, but i never even knew i was doing it. Sitting watching tv, talking to people, walking, shopping...anything, im chewing my fingers.

When i started i told my mum i couldnt stop. But she was never the type that would actually believe me that something was wrong. Even now at the age of 23 i still get laughed at if i say it. So iv never been to a Dr.

My husband still loves me, but i feel the need to hide my hands all the time from everyone. My finger tips are bright red, they look like they have been covered in red paint.

My fingers bleed all the time, but it doesnt hurt anymore. I feel that if i see a raggy bit of skin i have to bite it off to make them smooth again. And i want to stop, but i dont know where to start. Sometimes i wish i could still feel the pain to know that im doing it. But its just habbit!

I do it regularly anyway, but when im stressed or tired i do it so much more. And i bite my lip sometimes too. Chewing the skin off it, and the inside of my mouth, but nobody knows that because they dont see it.

I have in the past on my own tried gloves. But i lasted about an hour wearing them because its an inconvenience when your trying to raise a family of 6 and need your hands free.

Literally about 10 minutes ago i texted my sister, telling her i needed help. Her reply was "lol" and that was it. I am determined to stop some day....i really am!
Aegis08 Aegis08 22-25, F Mar 6, 2012

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