I Can't Believe...
I can't believe that this is really something other people have.
I'm a pretty severe case, from what I'm reading here. I wear gloves, not to prevent myself from gnawing my fingertips off, but because I don't want people to see how bad it's gotten. When I'm alone, I take them off and stare for a little while. I literally don't have fingerprints anymore, and practically all the skin from the end knuckle on every finger down to the very tip looks completely messed up. If I saw me with the gloves off and I didn't know what was going on, I would probably run away.
Fingers and lips for me, although I used to bite my toes when I was younger. This all started when I was so young, I don't actually remember how old I was anymore. All I know was, I was so impressionable back then and I was so into fantasy stories that I used to think I was secretly a ghoul. It was a really big problem because I got so caught up in it, and I never told my parents about how I suspected I wasn't human- I was a secretive kid. So what was the basis for my suspicions? The cracked and bloody lips that were always deep red and puffy from my stripping the top la
My fingertips are my worst problem. Biting them incessantly from such a young age has caused them to develop strangely. I couldn't have mutilated them worse... pretty much in any way. The bones are warped, the fingers are long and bony, the fingertips themselves are sort of thin and discolored, they're so covered in scars that they don't actually look scarred anymore, and there's one thing that's surprising- I've bitten them so much that they haven't become desensitized. They USED to be desensitized, but I think it's surpassed that. Now, they're actually hypersensitive. I can feel textures THROUGH my gloves, and I can't light one of those click-lighters with the scratch wheel because it's too hard- the act of trying to light it is actually too hard and too painful. But does the pain stop me from biting them? No, I still do it. In fact, I'm almost a little afraid to stop.
It's something that makes me who I am. I don't know what would happen if I stopped. It's like that little girl from all those years ago is still trying to convince me that I'm a ghoul, and that if I stop, I'll lose that. Like I'll be stuck in-between something human and a freak, and the only way I can keep going is if I keep biting.
Never thought I'd admit that to anyone. I just hope some of you out there know what I'm talking about.