I Hate Having Diabetes
Last summer, right after my husband came home from Iraq, I got cellulitis in my right leg that abscessed badly. I was going to the doc every day to have it lanced and drained for almost a week. In the course of all this, they did blood work. My regular doc was on vacation, so I was seeing another doc in the practice. She mentioned to me on about the third day that my glucose was 411...I almost fell off the table...I had gestational diabetes 7 years before, so I knew that wasn't good...but she let me go home, didn't seem concerned about it and just focused on my leg...two days later my doc was back and I went in for another wound check...he had me admitted to the hospital withing 10 minutes of being there...the other doc tried to cover her *** by saying things like "well, you didn't tell me you have diabetes..."
So, I went into the hospital with an A1c of 11.3...I came out on Amaryl, Metformin and Lantus...nearly a year later, my A1c is 5.8 and I only take Lantus (insulin) at night...I am much more careful with my diet (I am a carb junkie) now and have pretty decent control....but, I can't seem to get any weight off...I've lost about 10 pounds overall since last year, but nothing else...that is the really frustrating part...the research I have read suggest that if being overweight is causing your diabetes, getting the weight off within 2 years can usually put the disease into remission...I would really like that...I hate having diabetes...I am the only one in my family to have it (I'm also the only fat person) and I feel like such a failure.
I want to live to be at least 100, and now it seems it will be hard to make it much past 65 (I'm 40 now). I don't have heart disease or kidney disease, yet, but the whole being fat thing is just setting me up to be even more sick in the years to come....
So, I hate being diabetic....I hate even saying it that way...I would rather say "I have diabetes" than to say "I am diabetic"....to say "I am..." makes it sound like diabetes defines me. I refuse to let it. I know it is significant, and I cannot let even a day pass without thinking about it, but I refuse to let it take over...while it was a wake up call, and gave me a reason to pay more attention to myself and my health, I still hate it.
Thanks for reading.