Making A Fool Out Of Myself.

I feel like my general anxiety disorder and low stress tolerance can make me look like a fool. I end up worrying about things and freaking out and if I would have been calm I would have been able to do a task, complete or notice things. I spent my college semester under extreme stress and having breakdowns. Every time an assignment is due, I spend time worrying about the the requirements so I end up psyching myself out and beliving that I cannot complete it or make it harder than it really is.I really want to go to school but I am not sure if it is cut out for someone like me. at times my other personalities take over and they are not interested in school at all so I had to go to war with myself just to make myself sit down and do some work or even pay attention. how am I supposed to meet my goals if I have to deal with this all the time? even the teachers end up telling me to relax or they do not understand why one day I act like I know the material and another day I act like I have never even been in the class. I feel like a fool because of the constant worrying and dealin with other emotions inside me and wills. I had a 13 credit waiver but I didn't not know I was waived so I ended up taking 13 credits which is too much for me considering my disorder and each of my personalities have their own disorders( some have add, one has have NVLD or NLD, some have depression or seasonal depression, one of them has BPD) . if I had known that, and was not too busy freaking out I would have realized that I did not need to take that much classes and could have taken less and had a successful semester. and I am forced to pay for the classes because I withdrew from them pass the deadline. I am sitting here typing and I need to go to class in about 10 minutes. one of m personalities is emotional and bitter, another is depressed, another is trying to take control to get me to focus and  finish my work plus go to class and I am sitting here feeling like an idiot. ( I am the host, the daily person) but because I skipped too many classes off to class I go....
LiLSparKle LiLSparKle
26-30, F
2 Responses Dec 5, 2012

I understand how you feel though I had a different experience, the woman who signed me up for classes hadn't been working long I'm not sure how I ended up with her, she told me which classes would be good for me except she told me they were late start classes, and when I showed up I'd missed a month or so of work, I wasn't ready to use anything I have anxiety attacks at random times throughout each week and safe to say when I found out the timing I panicked and dropped out after a week nothing made sense at all. my advice is to take it one day at a time, don't psyche yourself out. Never look too far ahead with anxiety like that, or better yet find a better non stressful way to do it. Just an example, when I'm not sure about something I always say maybe in the next few months, I don't focus on every day of that, I just try to put it into prospective without over thinking each and every step of the way.

It is difficult when you have so much to contend with. I recommend minimum class load until you are more stabilized.
I do NOT agree that you are a fool, nor do I think you were foolish. You were uninformed.

they said they did inform me but I forgot about it or missed the email. I forget a lot of things

Me too. : P

lol... sucks being forgetful.