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My Wife Has Did

I don't have DID, but I still need help.  My wife of 17 years has been diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar disorder.  About 2 years ago I woke up to find that my wife was not in bed.  After searching around the house, (and seeing a strange parked car in the driveway of the empty house next door) I saw that the answering machine light was blinking.  The machine had picked up my wife and her "romances" voice: "He's gone to bed, I'm wearing his boxers; (him) Your f....ing neighbors are watching me; (her) just drive around the block a few times; (start talking about sex)."   She finally came in the house about 4 am, I asked her where she had been, and she said walking around.  When I played the machine for her she immediately went white, and a stern look came across her face.  I asked her what was wrong, and the new personality said Michele was too weak to come out right now, she then told me that how she was raped over and over by her father and brothers growing up, and that she held her to protect her.   She then said it wasn't Michele who had the affair, but it was another personality.  She also said that she hated men, and tried to convince my wife not to marry me, although my wife says now that she had no real idea of the alters.  

When I talked to the personality who had the affair, she said that I needed to let her have sex with whomever she wants, and that she loves c..k.  My wife has always had difficulty keeping friends, although she has a great personality and is easy to talk to.  Everyone has always accused of being a **** an sleeping with everyone.  I knew of 2 other affairs in the past, but I am afraid there are probably dozens or even hundreds more.  Including at least one of our current neighbors, and possibly her therapist.  (After her first visit alone with him, my wife later told me he had been suddenly transferred to a clinic an hour away, and she was reassigned). The problem is that she is very beautiful, so I think seduction is very easy for her.  

All these years, many time I thought I was going to go crazy, it has been very rocky.  I just recently set up a second social networking account, an sent her ah email saying that I thought she was stunning and wanted to talk to her.  She replied and asked what I did, where I lived, and told me her ex-husband was a -------------- and that she was raising two boys.   So I know that her cheating hasn't stopped, even though she doesn't allow this alternate personality to come out around me very often (it may be her personality for all I know).  I have stayed with my wife because I love her, and I want to see her get help, or at least for her cheating personality to stop cheating.   There are several other personalities that I have met, some are more fractured than others.

My real concern is that I am deployed in the army, and she is alone with my two sons 13 and 15 y/o.  I know she takes her anger out on me, but are my children in any danger of being abused by her.  She has always seemed to be a good mother, but I only see what she wants me to see most of the time. If anyone has any advise, please help.  Thank you
bobby3 bobby3 36-40, M 3 Responses Jun 9, 2010

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Look. I have DID. My wife is Parsain, the girl who just posted here before me. I have seven alters, and I have had them since I was 12 so I know a thing or two about this. It sounds to me like your wife is using this (if she really has it) as an excuse to cheat. I know that this is very common for people with DID so your wife may be taking advantage of it. You shouldn't let that sort of behavior by so easily. I know that if I was doing what your wife was doing, I would expect my wife to want answers and to find them. I also would do everything in my power to restrict the alter that was doing it. It's hard but entirely possible. I am considered "new" to this as I am young and have not had extensive therapy and even I have a degree of control. And if your wife has no control then their usually is an alter with more power than the other ones that you can talk to.



But what it seems like, from what you have described, from one guy with a ****** up life to another , is that you may be being played. All her alters seem to dislike you and it didn't seem from what you wrote that your wife seems too devastated. And coming from a guy with DID, I wouldn't trust myself to be the sole caretaker of children. Do what you have to do man.

It doesn't sound that you've dealt with any violent alters, so they may not be in danger, but they certainly need support. The children. My husband has DID, please feel free to check my experiences for my group for spouses of multiples. I'm trying to get it active.

My heart goes out to you. My ex wife has a mood disorder and I know how hard that was to live with, I can't imagine how hard this must be. I don't have any good advice for you that will help you, I can only say that you can't expect this to change or be something you can fix. All you can do is decide how to live with it.



If you think that your children might be in danger, then take action. Your love for your wife and your need to protect your children are separate things. Don't let anyone tell you that one affects the other.