Us

It feels weird to type, but there is an "us" in this one body. I'm not sure if I've been technically diagnosed with DID. The one therapist I went to, for perhaps 3 months, said I probably did, but wasn't sure because she had no real idea about DID. I say I do because, well, there are 3 of us in this body, used to be 4, and roughly 95 percent of S's childhood is missing. S was the original. That much we know for certain. L came first at age 11 or 12, she can't remember. Then J at age 17 and lastly Z a few months later.
Somehow, L and Z both knew right away that they were not alone and held control the best. Then, two years ago, S disappeared. This caused frenzy and somehow made us start working together. We were able to have what my husband calls "common memory" and were able to all but stop the memory lapses.
Now, we recently got married, moved, started looking for a new job, and lost access to my computer because of some stupid virus. This has caused a lot of problems. Mainly, we keep switching randomly and have lost much of the control we used to have, and none of us know why. We've started thinking of the possibility of another alter showing up, but hope it's not true.
My husband has MPS (no disassociation) and has understood me better than anyone, but he keeps comparing me to him and I have a hard time explaining. We know we need to talk to someone, but I'm not sure who. I've been trying to get the courage and control to see a therapist, but after the last one failed so miserably I'm not sure I'll be allowed to go even if I find one and get the money.
Is there anyone out there who can relate a little? I'm not sure if it would, but I think if we could hear someone from outside this head, we might be able to work this out better.
sljz sljz
22-25, F
2 Responses Aug 2, 2010

I have to say this about our therapist. She will not say whether she thinks we are multiple or not. She said that she is there to treat our issues not a diagnosis. We love her to death. She is open minded and caring, listens well and puts us first. She is a wonderful therapist. We hope this helps<br />
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Have a great day,<br />
Jake of Split Infinitive

i can relate to your story very much so....wot i would say to you is..if you intend to go back to therapy, or any therapist..you have the right to ask ,what experience they have in dealing with DID.<br />
"Do Not Accept" the first one that comes along, without asking their credentials.....failing to do so can put you on that never ending roller coaster of ups and downs...which will burn a hole in your pocket..and waste a lot of your time...<br />
I hope you find your way so you can at least find a little bit of contentment within yourself....i wish you well ..x :)