Don't Even Know Who I Am

That is right, I don't even know who I am. Am I the host of this body or not? What is going on inside makes no sense to me.

Our supposed host doesn't even know who she is so how are we supposed to know who we are or why?

Nothing makes much sense no more.

Confused and alone

Rachel4now Rachel4now
31-35, F
21 Responses Feb 16, 2008

Wow, this was posted a really long time ago but I am going to respond anyway. Let me just say if it wasn't for the obvious fact that we don't know each other, I'd say you just quoted me. I hope things have gotten clearer for all of you.

yea it is very confusing. especially when u think u are one alter and then u realize u are not or one alter is hiding behind another alter and speaking through one alter. yikes!

Thank goodness I'm not the only one who goes through this. Geez, it's so hard to know what's what. It's only been a year since my diagnosis and yet sometimes I feel like I'm not getting anywhere with having any idea who is who

Us/We/Them... It's all a label. you have a choice in defining you/you all. I have been a "we" s ince 2001 offically. I am a Counselor within the helping profession. I was misdiagnosed for the majority of my life. I was in therapy for over 5 years with a wonderful, and caring therapist. I came to realize with lots of research, that the host or "front-runner" is usually the personality present for the majority of any 24 hour period. That is not to say that a switch can't happen, and someone else becomes the "front-runner" for a time. I am very happy with the " 4 C's" Commu nication, Crosstrain, Cease fire, Co exist. It has been very valuable to me/us through the years. I hope this give you some insight. Remember "U" are the best you that you can be. I wish you much peace and love:)

That's okay, don't worry too much! you'll figure it out, you could try to do what my sister Destiny is doing for our "Orrigional" Big Sister, she's taken over a bunch and started researching the DID thingy mabober and she thinks that is what's wrong with Big Sister, because she's sorta in the same boat because she doesn't know that we are here, that or she does and she denies it a bunch. It'll get better i bet! I hope it does! I also hope to make new friends here with Destiny! <br />
<br />

I dont know either....thats been my struggle since I was a litlte kid.<br />
<br />
just feeling like Im floating and im this person one minute and I feel totally different another minute and I act different for X ammount of time and then suddenly my views change...its a complete opposite change...and I dont know who I am...I always think I have an idea...<br />
but I dont think I truly understand it. This idea of "self"

Yes it sucks finding u r not who u thouht u were. Its like u had this image of yourself like a fantasy and then u r like I am not even close to being this person. And then more alters pop up. Its like u don't know what will happen next.

My therapist mentioned a "false" front as a host. That happens to us when a "scout" is needed. That's all I know for now...

I am in this nebulous state as well. Having a name makes no sense.

Oh how we understand, and FoxRed, thank you for your end bit there! We get SO sick of we don't have better things to do than make up something like this?? <br />
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To the OP, you aren't alone. We are right there with you. Our host feels that way alot of the time, and so do those of us in what she calls her 'core group'. It's been weirder since she figured out about us almost 3 yrs ago.

I have been struggling with the same question. My birth name is Gina, but right before I told my husband I had DID...I was told by an alter to have him call me MIlly...then Jesse introduced himself to my husband...then Jesses wife Jessica...then we found out my husband married one of my alters Kat...not me...though Kat is me technically...then we found The Artist...then the Rottweiler...the Donna, the sex alter...and most recently Severin. It's getting crowded in here...I would like them to stop showing up...let me get to know the ones I have. <br />
I feel more like Jesse is the true me...but that cant be possible...hes a guy...this body is a girls. <br />
Who am I??

Yes I know. I found out I was the host and the original me is still really young. She is atleast 3 years or more younger than me. But my point is I am also sick of alters popping up. My original showed up recently and she is sort of like a teen. I am like, so I have not grown up? How embaressing. Then this lesbian alter pops up two weeks ago who has no interest in ****. Just great lol. Not of my alters liked my boyfriend. They gave me hell about him. If they do not like somethin they make it known to me and if it don't work they will try to take over. Stubborn girls lol.

HOLY ****!<br />
<br />
<-From a sane person

People who have DID are also Sane.

i feel the same way, i feel like i'm alone. i have 2 different personalities

think of it like this, you are you regardless of weather you are the original or not, and in the end thats all that matters

I can relate completely when you say you don't know who you are. Who is the " host " ? I'm confused on this point. I've read that the host is usually the one who seeks help. But, does that mean the original me is lost ? And should I be searching for the original " me" ? There are two women in my head that I hear often , and they both say they have more right to my name than me . I'm VERY confused and I don't know who to talk to or who would understand.

A therapist is good to speak to about this condition but please make sure that whoever it is has experience with DID befor booking the appointment.

I understand. For almost 10 years all seemed quiet and I thought we were all integrated and now we have poked our heads out again.

I just want you to know that it does get better, and you will not always be so confused. My mom has had multiples for about ten years now and she now lives her life to the fullest and multiples do not ever get in the way! Many of them go away after they have healed from there trauma. NO more blackouts, no more self abuse, no more nightmares, hallucinations, just living life like the rest of us. As scary as it is now. It will get better!

i think its the most challegening disorder to get your head around the more you try adn work through it the harder it becomes i have found that people look at you funny when you say i have DID i have discovered allot of answers about my life and am on the road to recovary. i have 17 different personalities.

It is good to know your not alone sabowden, sorry you have suffered so,<br />
<br />

I know exactly where your coming from I feel the same way!

It is very common for those of us who actually truly have DID to experience identity issues and yes there is an obvious joke, but it really isn't a joking matter us real people.<br />
<br />

It is very common for those of us who actually truly have DID to experience identity issues and yes there is an obvious joke, but it really isn't a joking matter us real people.<br />
<br />

Are you waiting for the obvious joke?