Afraid Of Losing Someone...

This has always been a fear of mine and my alters. I lost my parents at a young age. My father died in a fire and my mother died of a brain hemmorage. My grandpa passed away at a young age and my grandma just died recently. I am always afraid of someone I love dying, especially my husband. I frequently picture myself dealing with his loss. It drives me up the wall. I don't see my only sister or my daughter because they don't love me and they don't believe or want to deal with my "issues". I miss them so much but I realize that they are and have been very toxic to me. I have a great support system: as in cousins, doctors, my therapist, and a few friends. I also picture myself without them and I know that this is very uhealthy for us. The nagging thoughts of losing them sometimes consumes me. I just pray a lot to ask God to take my fears away and that's all that I can do. Even so, I am still afraid, and petrified that my husband will pass-how would I cope...
Leena26 Leena26
46-50, F
3 Responses Jan 21, 2012

I use to feel the same way as I lost my Mom and my Dad at a young age. I lived in fear of loosing my husband and when we ever spoke of his not being here I just cried and we couldn't talk about it. It is not like that anymore, as my faith grew and I became more confident as a person I just stopped myself thinking about not having him and trusted that God had a plan for me and my life is in his hands. If something did happen he would not forsake me. I really feel for you.

I often worry about being abandoned or rejected. I understand it is hard for to lose someone. I find myself pushing people away ( my defensive alter named Donica who has bpd) before they can reject me or even thinkin that they will eventually leave me. at time she even askes me why the hell is he with you, cuz your mind is not right, who will wanna date someone like that? it is very hurtful and it makes me become suspicious. I am terrified of losing people I have pushed god way for that very reason because I am afraid I will always fall short and he will reject me and stone me like he did others in the old testament.(donica doesn't like the fact that he allowed people to stone others) but anyway, back to my point.. I don't fatantize about people dying like you do, that is gotta be hard. I am sorry that you have loss others at such an early age and that u feel rejected by your family members( some of them) My mom kicked out Donica when I was 17, it still feels like she kicked me out cuz she dint know I had to develop an alter to deal with her emotional abuse. I simply could not take it anymore. I am glad u have a support system though. that helps :)

I'm not sure I have ever read that Jesus allowed people to stone anyone. What I have read though is that people wanted to stone the prostitute and Jesus said those of you who have no sin cast the first stone because he knew everyone has sinned and come short of the glory of God. We are forgiven of our sin when we come to him and repent. He would never allow people to be stoned. Having said all that living with DID is a challenge like none other. I hope you can heal and get to a place where you stand up to Donica and say in a nice way, the rejection is over we don't have that anymore and I would like to have people in my life and if they reject me I can take it and move on, it's life. :) Often an alter gets stuck in time and always expects the same treatment they got before and don't see how things are different now. Taking back your life and being more in control means you have to make decisions for your life. :)

Hi,<br />
I can relate to how you feel as I am an only child and lost my Mom when I was 20 and had a fear of loosing my Father and Husband but more my husband as he is my security. I learned to really lean on God and grew into myself and became confident and learn't to trust when I looked back on my life how God always came through for me and IF my husband died God would never forsake me and I now believe that with all my heart as he takes care of even the small things in our lives. Look at the worst thing that would happen should you loose your husband and find a salution and then say well I will deal with it when and if it happens. Hope this helps.