I Have 3 Alters

i have me, lil deanna (7 year old girl),cyan skyy(***** mean tough but my protecter) and sara(layed back 19 year old ) have had them since as long as i remeber but diaognosed at age 21...also have borderline personality disorder with ptsd..i am married hubby gets along with me and lil deanna but not the other 2(cyan and sara) he hates them with a passion.It was hard to find someone who loved me no matter what and i was lucky to have found such a man who is strong enough to put up with wat he has to go through with me.I hate the time laps in my memory....it makes me feel although i have lived 29 years so far,that i have only truly lived half of that.i ask myself why am i the way i am?i want to get better but at the same time (might sound crazy) but i dont want to lose my alters either....they are a part of me and with them i am never truly alone
deannalovesgaige deannalovesgaige
26-30, F
3 Responses Jan 20, 2013

I understand what you mean about them being a part of you and not wanting to lose them. Only about two people in my life know and/or interact with mine. Are you open with others about your alters in your day to day, face to face life?

yes...i use not be cause when people found out they would not get around me but i have learned that just becasue i have it doesnt make me a bad person and if they cant like me for me then i dont need them in my life...i am open now about it cause i try to educate people on it so it wont be so "unknown" anymore

i understand,a friends wife has alters,,,when you call there your not sure who she will be when she answers the phone,,,,keeps it rather exciting that way,,,,,one of her alters is a sexy lady thats in love with me,,,,i really don't think she has recall of the things we talk about,,,and would never remember answering the phone,,,

that is true my alters are so different i love my hubby but cyan and sara hate him...he deals with it though because he loves me i know it must be hard on him...i dont recall things i do when i am lil deanna.cyan or sara but hubby tells me if something happens

have you things when in lil deanna,cyan or sara,,,knowing your hubby hates them,,,,to give them some satisfaction from being hated by the hubby

he hates them as well but they both know that when they do come out usually hubby and them get in fights...lil deanna is very easy to get a long with becasue she is only 7 years old but the other 2 are the problem

have you ever become one of the other 2 online and let them have fun,,,not letting your hubby know,

no they havent that i know of?? or they may have now i not sure lol :)

would be very interesting to me,,,,to see your wild alter,,,lol

lol she may be too wild...she is very mean

is there a sex drive involved with her being mean ?

nope she is just mean...she has cut me and done destructive things and then goes away and i have to deal with the consiquinces

seems like that was not the answer rjschoch was looking for.
Please be careful and read between the lines when strange men start talking about going on line and speaking to you without your hubby knowing and if one of your alters has a sex drive.
Alters that are mean are protective and hope to drive people away that is why they act that way and also act out due to the abuse they suffered. Talking to a therapist is helpful as they need to get what is bottled up inside of them out. It would be easier for you husband to get on with them once they get the help they need.

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There are ways to get better without losing them. I'm not a doctor, and I suppose it's a case by case basis, but I've been told by my doctor that learning to live together and manage together and function as a team is what we're trying to do- he's not trying to get rid of them or make us back into one only. There are different approaches to treating DID and not all of them include getting rid of alters, thank god. I don't know what I'd do if they did...

that is true...i know that when i do think of them being gone i feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness...i just learn to work with them and deal with the issues as they come thank you for your input :D makes me happy that someone actually cares enough to respond