My Inners/Alters Whatever...

I am currently up to 6.

My therapist says I am not DID, this p1ssed the kids off, so they made me forget appointments for a month.
...They basically thought she was saying they aren't real...

...I LIKE my "kids", whatever they are. They helped me survive.  They STILL help me survive.

....Love yourselves.

Therapist conferred with other therapist more versed in dissociative disorders.
...I am now DID-NOS...still DID, but we don't fit in the box 
hylierandom hylierandom
5 Responses Jan 26, 2013

Could I talk to you sometime? I've got a young child with pure dissociative disorder (as well as other issues like psychosis).

I always say I hate the Others .... but the truth is I love them and I'm afraid I cannot live without them. I do not know everything about them, nor am I even certain about how many there are. My doc says if we merge them all I will be well ... but I'm not so sure, and neither are the Others. Thanks for saying it's ok to love them.

Not just ok, but necessary, I was told.
I like using a "conference room".

I confirm what hylierandom says about it being necessary to love your alters.
They have brought you through very difficult times and are the reason you survived. We all like and need gratitude and when you give it and accept them, it's then that you are able to work as a team together towards healing and nobody has to leave each of you has a part to play. I wish you everything of the best. Trusting yourself because you know you have others inside of you and nobody can tell you different and the Drs can name it want they want I have found not many that really have experience in this field and what you don't understand you judge in ignorance so go with your gut feeling and what you know.

Trust yourself not the therapist i believe you

I do. She's good, but nobody's perfect.

So glad to hear you say that you love your kids, yes they did help you survive. Change your therapist and get confirmation over the phone if the next one has experience with mpd/did. It is a specialized condition that needs an expert to work with someone in order to get results.

I kind of understand. I'm not formally DID, but where most people seem to have one inner child, I have a freakin' school full!

However you define the little ones, whatever you call them, they are totally real. I'm kind of waiting to see what happens when my therapist looks up from her notes and sees Plaid Jr. instead of the person she (thinks she has) worked with this whole time.

Anyhow, gentle hugs to you, Hylie. Oh, and I went ahead and bought a new bear!

That's how I started finding them, too, inner child work...
John Bradshaw didn't say what to do when you find more than one inner child...O.o Mine actually do alter my behavior-as in "I" used to spiral out of control and become verbally abusive...and not really remember what "I" said.
But our emotions run together, we're not tally compartmentalized.

...not TOTALLY compartmentalized.

I understand what you say when you wondering what your therapist would say when she looked up and didn't see you there. My friends one therapist sat with his back to her and asked her at one stage "what do you see? What did you say? She said Nothing I didn't say anything. I thought he was a nutter to be quiet honest. We never went back there again. The next one had us out the door in 3 minutes he was so scared. She goes to a child/adult therapist and is so good with the littles, finally someone who knows what she is suppose to know in order to deal with DID.

Mine's been pretty good so far.
Honestly, they don't take entirely over-more like I used to occasionally be a passenger in my own head.
Now we talk things out....well, mostly!
My therapist is certainly willing to work with the "kids" and use Family Systems therapy on me.

Having a threapist who is willing to work with the littles is a great help.
Are you co-conscious when the littles come out or do you loose time.
I'm just asking that if you do loose time another protective alter keeps watch as most therapists are trustworthy but not all and at least a protective alter can keep an eye on things.

I don't lose time...I just feel REALLY spaced and hallucinate all sorts of black splotches.

It's good that you not loosing time, sorry about the black splotches not too sure but that might be a form of not being fully present and an escape in a sense with DID things happen in their own time. In other words why you ready on all levels and you can cope with hearing what others are saying then you will be not so spaced out.

I have added you to my circle so we can talk on my whiteboard or you can message me. Whatever you feel secure with. Hope you don't mind and if you not comfortible with that as I understand trust can be an issue then we can continue chatting on here. Hope today is good for u all.

We're...happy, although WHY do cookies have to be SOO fattening??? :p
Somebody's been stuck inside for a long time, she wants her COOKIES! :)

Maybe if you get her some really nice ones she will come out.
If she wants to keep eating cookies then maybe get some healthy ones.
My friend has an alter who just wanted to eat ALL the time. She has come out in therapy and spoken about her pain and now seldom finds the need to eat except after a therapy session but we buy proper food as it's dinner time.

I have a couple of little ones that are reeling from neglect, and they are always famished. And being kids, they want cookies and candy and chips...I've compromised and allow the Sprouts to choose any one item at the store (barring meat products, thank you!) so long as it fits easily in my two palms. They can eat it as fast or slow as they want...but it is ONE junk food thing. Not long ago someone chose a 6-pack of Reese's PB cup bars. That is, 6 2-packs. And then went and ate all 6 in 24 hours!!

Oh my goodness!!!! that is alot.
I had one little come out in a fast food place and she gulpped the food down and asked when are they going to take it away. I had to explain they won't untill she is finished and puts her knife and fork together, even if it takes a long time for her to eat. It is good for them to come out at meal times too as then you eating but the right kind of food. When they get to eat more often they see that they not in those times anymore when there was no food. Good triggers help lay the bad ones to rest and hence the healing takes place of bad memories. Whoever is out and feels hungry needs to eat even if it's just a carrot or fruit etc just to show, WE have food now. Hope this helps a little.

I think someone in there thinks we're safer when big and fat-I've lost 125 pounds...then put back on 20 >:(
...I try to find stuff that's at least vaguely nutritional-we all love clif builder bars.

I understand the person inside feels that by being really fat nobody will find you attractive enough to want to sleep with you and due to abuse it is a way of keeping everyone safe. Also eating at times can be a form of doing something physical to stuff down the strong and sometimes overwhelming emotions. Where although difficult, writeing also helps as does talking to a safe person like your therapist.

My friend with did is struggeling as well with being hungry all the time and no matter how much she eats she is still hungry. So let one of the little come out and have a few treats. I have said though that I won't eat each time she does and she understands. It is through times of them being deprived though. So sad.

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