Dating Someone With Dissociative Identity Disorder


I am currently seeing someone with DID.The man I am seeing is wonderful!Lets call him Gavin.Gavin is happy-go-lucky, easy to talk to, understanding, optimistic, and so many more things…We have an amazing bond, unlike any I have ever shared with another human being.It is so comfortable being with him.He feels like home.There is a lot going on in my life, and he has been a pilar of stability for me.Like I said AMAZING!!!However-

The other night we were talking.I told him I feel like sometimes he loves me more than anything in the world, and sometimes I feel like he could care less.I asked him if he wanted to be with me or what was going on.He looked at me with so much love in his eyes, reached for my hand then BAM!!! (lol) His face changed and he told me he could care less about being with me.He started going on about how he was bored and that was the only reason that he was around and just horrible horrible things.I decided after listening to him that I was going to make sure he couldn’t contact me again.I started deleting my number and all other information in his phone, and out of nowhere there were tears in his eyes and Gavin was back.He started trying to explain without actually telling me he had DID.I guessed it and told him I had thought he might have had it for a while but wasn’t sure.He broke down and confessed everything to me.

He was actually Brad.When Brad was in grade school he couldn’t cope (never told me with what) and created my Gavin.Gavin is the one everyone knows around here.The one everyone Loves.After spending some time talking to Gavin about this I asked if I could speak to Brad.Brad said he is in love with a girl from back home (I know it is selfish but thank GOD she is across the country) and doesn’t really have any feelings for me at all.However, he said he wants to get to know me if Gavin and I are going to be together.The problem is Brad and I don’t really connect… at all…

Gavin and Brad HATE each other.They are both ready for the other one to be gone…I promised Gavin I would be there to support him… but what should I do.Should I try and help them work it out and possibly lose Gavin… Or should I help Gavin get rid of Brad… eve though he was originally Brad…I’m so lost and I want to understand and be there for both of them… but I don’t want to lose Gavin.

Neenie907 Neenie907
22-25, F
11 Responses Nov 4, 2009

I am Dating someone with this disorder as well. I have not really seen that much of the other personalities and she is doing treatment to try to keep it under control. What should I do if i know something that another personality did, that they don't know themselves. And if I told them this information they would be absolutely devastated, something that they would never do ever, but something the other personality would do. should I tell them this information, or keep it from them to protect them. She has already been having a hard time getting through some of the other things that another personality has done.

Hi, Can you tell me more about this brad, doesnt him loving another person affect your relationship with gavin? Does he not want to reconnect with that other person??

Hi have a bf who has DID. We've been together for 4 months and he's just like you said, he's the sweetest person in the world then BOOM! He's out of it.. he has 7 personalities, created from emotional, sexual, and physical abuse from when he was younger. I've meet 3 of his other personalites. 1 was abusive, 1 was sexual, and 1 just spilled all of his secerts. Its a hard thing csuse they all will answer to his name so I get scared that's its not gonna be him.. he DOES NOT want help even though he really should...

My ex fiance has DID I still love her but she had 4 alternate personalities who developed the illusion I was their father, the more intricate they became the less active, less responsive my fiance became, it got to the point where they were almost like parasitic personalities, I tried my best to make her happy but it was like raising 5 people all at the same time. I still try to talk to her make sure shes ok but we both agree until shes is able to compromise or come up with some way of controlling it at least partially she shouldnt be dating. at one point her and I were doing the deed and one of her child mindsets took over, and was like whats that what are you doing, it really bothered me. she is an amazing person, her alternates are mostly nice but its just way too much to deal with.

i have DID and i have done for as long as i can remember but i have 5 including myself and i argue with half of them but i wont go for treatment for that fact that they are parts of me and they have a right to exsit for as long as they wish to but another story that is but recently i met a girl who i got on with amazingly and who is perfect but everynow and then she would change and i would be confused and it wasnt till one of my alters helped me figure out that she might have it but after a while we grew rather close and she told me she did indeed have DID aswell and i admitted that i had it to her and we started letting each of the alters meet each other and bang before we knew what was happening our alters started matching up with each others with out of both our fives on one of each of ours didnt match up with the other but my one that didnt is asexual and hers is a lesbian so it didnt matter and i sometimes wonder what are the odds of it having happened cause i have a wild side which is with her wild side, a protective animalistic one who is with her sadish side, me and the actual girl, and my partish drunk side who has parts of depression in him with her utterly depressed and self harming side and they all get on so well i was wondering if anyone else had any thoughts on this?

My fiancé actually has DID and he was sexually/emotionally/physically abused when he was 3 years old and he split from himself. But my fiancé is the most sweetest thing ever but one day me and him actually began to have a little disagreement and his other side(let's call him G) came out and he is the more violent side of his personality and he raped me. When my fiancé came to he had no idea what had happened and he jut saw me shivering on the bed naked. So I know it wasn't him that did the deed but I still remember his face, meaning my fiancés while G did it. But lets just add some more complications into the mix, I also have DID and my other side does not like men at all because of the abuse that I went through as a child also. So when (lets just call her c) came out swinging at my fiancé he tried to defend himself and when I had come to it I saw my fiancé hitting me in the back so that I c would stop. I think that c let go of the situation because she was trying to teach me a lesson that all men are all the same. I know, it's a lot to grasp but I am trying to make c not come to the surface again and my fiancé says that he locked away g but I can not be certain :/.

Hello! I have a boyfriend who goes through the exact same thing, sweet, caring then all of a sudden, BOOM. cruel and careless. It could be that Brad is wanting something that Gavin has. Like your love. My boyfriend does not want treatment, and I have just got out of a very intensive conversation with my boyfriends other side. Let's call him H. Maybe brad wants love like Gavin. You'll make it through, just try to be there for both, ask him about treatment. And try to find a calling for him when Brad comes out, try to understand both of them.

Hi, I may not be dating someone with DID, but I am /extremely/ close friends with someone who has DID - let's call her M. She has 4 (or maybe it's 3 now?) alters, although her primary one, I am even closer with than I am her, it's really bordering on platonic love - let's call him A. I'm in a very similar situation to you, seeing as both of them just want the other gone. A is quite literally everything M is not, and I suspect was created in an attempt for M to cope with emotional abuse she's put up with her entire life. M doesn't really remember said abuse other than the current seeing as she has Dissociative Amnesia, but A does remember. Due to the fact that I myself care for both of my friends, I've pretty much just been trying to keep them from killing each other. I am coming from the point of view of someone who has a deep emotional attachment to someone with DID who dislikes one of their alters, BUT DOES NOT WANT TREATMENT ALL THE SAME. Please keep this in mind. But that's enough about my situation. Here's the thing, both of them are in fact independent people who just happen to be sharing a body. The "original" personality, however, does generally have some power over the alter(s), and while this may not be true in your situation, it is true in mine. Even so, they are in fact separate conscious individuals. Think of their head as being an apartment - they're roommates in the body, and what you're seeing in terms of appearance on the outside very likely is not what they are seeing on the inside. What Brad does and what Gavin does are completely separate things. While Brad loves this other girl, Gavin does not. Gavin loves /you/. When you have a deep emotional attachment to someone with DID, you learn to share the body just as much as they do. If one of them loves someone else, you both learn to understand that ultimately, it isn't cheating as long as you're with the right one of the two. Once again, this is coming from the point of view of someone who has only interacted with those who DO NOT WANT TREATMENT FOR THEIR DID.

i have a boyfriend with a split personality, when he was younger about 13-14 he was badly emotionaly hurt and created this split personality to stop him hurting but its basicly rewind his life ive only been with him for 7 months buh its been hard for me aswell, he is AMAZING the most sweetest careing person i have ever met and we get on so well like soul mates but his split personality hates me because he thinks im going to hurt him with him loveing my as much as he dose his other person is horrible to me hits me cheats on me and i dont know what to do my boyfriends been to the doctors nd they just looked at him like he was mad and said ill right to someone who can help and i will get in touch with you that was 3 weeks ago, no one will help him and im only 18 and dont know what to do, can enyone give me eny edvise?? please! xx

My girlfriend is going through the same thing except her alter is Victoria. Victoria is a 25 year old woman who enjoys spilling secrets that my girlfriend has. She shows herself when my girlfriend gets stressed out and told me that the only way to get rid of her for good is by helping my gf. Problem is she won't help to tell me how. She thinks it is a game. It's getting really hard for me to keep doing this though any ideas on how to help?

The alternates objective is to stick around, most likely she will keep showing up no matter what for attention, sounds like your gf made this personality because at some point sombody imprinted on her to not tell, so you have to let your girl friend feel comfortable around you, and let her tell you all her secrets no matter how much it bothers you. maybe in time then victoria will go away

There are professionals that specialize in DID. The solution is called reintegration, melding the personalities into one functional personality essentially. There is a good chance you could lose Gavin as he is the alter, <br />
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There is also some chance that Brad may be the alter and convinced Gavin otherwise. This could be worth exploring. How did he get his name?<br />
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Check my experience "I have a spouse with Dissociative Identity Disorder" for some of my stories, and perhaps we can talk more there, or you can send me a message and we can try to figure this out.

Hi, I found this website after doing a search on DID. I have been talking to, and becoming involved with the most amazing woman whom I've ever met, for a little over a month. I am really falling for her. She lives in another state, and, although its not just her, there are other factors involved, I have been seriously considering moving. I just returned home after a completely amazing weekend, that left me wanting to say screw my job, I'm staying, lol. Anyway, after I got home, and called her, she said that she had something serious to tell me, and it turned out to be that she has DID. She is in treatment, but not actually understanding the disorder, I had no idea what kind of questions to even ask. She was very afraid that she was going to scare me off, and although I told her I do not scare easily, I am kind of apprehensive about what could now be in store for me. She is definitely the most amazing woman who I have ever met, and I can truly see myself with her for the long haul, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that this scares me more than just a little bit. I guess the next logical step, now that I actually know what it is, is going to be to ask how many, any violent ones, etc. I guess that I just kind of want to ask people who have knowledge, and experience with this, their opinions. I don't want to sound bad or come off the wrong way, I'm just really looking for honest guidance. Being as this is the very beginning of things, and I'm already really falling for this woman, I feel like I need to make the call now, not later. Just a little bit about me, I am tolerant, patient, and can put up with a whole lot, but on the other hand, although I am not "possessive" I can be jealous, at least to the level that if another personality were to be promiscuous, I could not get past it. I apologize if this comes off as rude, insensitive, or anything else, because I'm really not trying to be that at all. Just based on the little bit of fact that I have given, I guess I'm trying to figure out if this is something that I can live with, or should I accept a little emotional pain now, and run to the hills before I'm completely in love, and end up wrecked. Any advice is totally appreciated.

It all really depends on the person and where their heart is at. I very much so can correlate to your story. In June I voluntarily admitted myself into a residential treatment facility for eating disorders. There I met an empowering, intelligent woman. She was a client at the facility as well. Shortly after I found out she had DID. I'm a curious creature so I did all my research and had no clue things like this existed outside of psych wards. However, after getting to know, I realize she is the most amazing individual I have ever met. Everything about her, mind body soul and flaws, she's impeccable. I've never met someone so fiercely strong yet as fragile as a dandelion. Everything about her is beautiful. She has 8 alters. 3 are under the age of 13 and the rest range from 15-24. But I've grown extremely close to all of them in different ways. Her terrified 5 yr old alter clings to me for safety like a parent, and the rest act like my best friends. All of them have completely different personalities. The older ones are more distant and invulnerable. The oldest one you would think is like a bratty First Lady, she's so judgmental and sophisticated. However, at the end of the day they all have the same heart. All their traumas are different so they express themselves differently but deep down they all just want to feel loved and know that real love doesn't hurt. She doesn't engage in external relationships of any sort cause she's absolutely terrified of getting hurt again. But somehow she has managed to let me and and we have grown extremely close as friends. But I'm starting to fall for her more and more as each day passes and that terrifies me. She's not a lesbian, hell she's barely even straight. All of her alters are completely asexual out of fear. I respect that completely but if I were to eventually tell her how I feel, and later down the road she were to want to try said sexual things.. I'm absolutely terrified of what may happen. Alters can see what the main person does, the main person knows of nothing the alters do. So I'm scared during intimate moments either her 5 yr old alter would come out and freak out OR the 5 yr old would see what we did and no longer trust me or view me as safe. Alters can see and hear everything that is going on even if they are not out so you literally have to do and speak everything cautiously. It's complicated and most definitely will be one hell of a battle but i personally know what it's like to have depression and emotional trauma so for me being patient and empathetic is not hard.