Can This Be Real?

I'm a little stunned, a little numb, a little weary, and for a few very brief seconds throughout my day, a little hopeful. I am a 21 year old female college student. I'm an Art History major. I teach 3 dance classes a week. I have somehow held that life together. Unfortunantly, I can't recall much of how I did/do it. 

My story is a little lengthy (whose isn't i guess). But for fear that I will dissociate, I'm not going to post that today. Yesterday my therapist told me I have DID; something I probably already knew, but didn't really admit to myself. Before I knew definitively, it was easier to say "ok. i'm a **** show right now. life is getting rough. things are a mess. but its just a period..." Admitting that I have DID means recognizing that I've had it for a while. The death of my grandmother last summer however, seemed to trigger more frequent and severe episodes that I was unable to ignore. I don't know how I keep going. How I teach. How I write papers and take tests. I am scared. In ways I know what this means for my life; in ways, I do not know at all what having DID means for my life. I'm just really freaked today. 

Because today has been what I would consider a relatively good day, and I am conscious of my actions, I thought it might be a good idea to try this out. I think it would be comforting to speak to others who have lived with this for a while, or even just someone who can empathize; someone who can share a story. 

I will share mine too. eventually. 

rhiannon67 rhiannon67
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 11, 2010

One of my therapists most famous comments to me, before we found out about the DID, was..."I cant believe how you can make it through the day?!"<br />
<br />
and I can because its not me making it through the day LOL...its others.<br />
while Im sleeping somewhere.. your story so truly resonates with mine.

Hi Rhiannon67,<br />
<br />
Happy to meet you. I can identify with your story. I also have DID but discovered it about 10 years ago when my father (the perpetrator) died. I was in shock. I had gone through therapy for several years discussing the abuse-physical, sexual and emotional. I thought it was all resolved and suddenly when my father dies I start hearing voices in my head and identiry 9 different people up there and of course I think I am crazay schizophrenic. Who else would do this? Someone with DID I am told by my therapist. <br />
<br />
Don't freak. Instead start journaling, keeping notes of who is up there and what they are saying if you can. Start to get to know the ones who have helped yu do the things you can't remember with the help of your therapist and remember these parts of you came along to help you survive abuse. You may not like how they do it or even what role they have but you are here today, alive. It will get better. Susanplus9