Coming From A "broken Home"
I never realized how coming from a divorced home would effect me. I am now almost 29 years old, and my parents divorced when I was 6. I didn't start noticing the long-lasting impact until much later on.
I don't remember much at all. But I have a few memories that stand out, and I feel like I am there in the room. One memory is of me in the kitchen, I was on one of those little bikes you scoot around with your feet. My parents were there, and my neighbors were there. There was a lot of arguing, and I remember my dad punching a hole through the kitchen cupboard. Another memory is of my parents sitting down with me and my brother (who was 2 years older than me) and telling us that they wouldn't be living together anymore because they couldn't get along. And that our dad would be living in an apartment. I remember begging him to stay. Saying that me and my brother would go in our rooms and shut the door when they fought.
I have many memories of visiting with me dad. I was never as close with him as I was with my mom. The divorce could have been a big part of that. I think that since it was pretty much automatically decided we would live with our mom that at a young age I took that as being abandoned. That we weren't wanted, he wanted to move along and find a new family. My brother had several behavioral problems growing up. He gave my mom hell. He did not want to see our dad at all for a couple of years. So I remember going to go visit my dad every other weekend alone many of the times. My dad remarried about 5 years after my parents divorced. My brother didn't care for our stepmom much until we both hit "adult" years. I think as adolescents we saw her as trying to replace our mom...and held some hatred towards her for that.
My mom worked constantly after the divorce. Working 2-3 jobs at a time. We never went without but one thing she would never do was ask our dad for more money. I don't know if she was too proud or what. I think back in the day(like it was so long ago haha) she got less than 400 dollars a month for child support. Never went to court to ask for more. So at an already awkward age of being a teenager I was always self-conscious about my clothing, hair, etc.
My mom had a few boyfriends I can remember growing up. They would start to get really serious and then there would be a break up. It would never be really explained, but I felt like I was the caretaker of the house. Worrying about mom, cleaning, cooking. On top of that I saw the amount of trouble my brother was getting into so I had to put forth extra effort to "be the good kid". I got good grades in school, did some extra-cirricular activities now and then. But to be honest I felt so socially-exempt. I was always scared of what others thought, to the point of making myself sick. I remember skipping school one day in the 9th grade to hide in my closet.
Now, I am married myself, for 10 years. And we have 3 children. Marriage has had its ups and downs but coming from a divorced family really puts the pressure on you to not repeat the past.
I still feel socially awkward, I feel like a hermit half of the time. But don't know how to move past that. I learned just a couple of years ago that my mom may have had an affair with the neighbor prior to the divorce. Then it brought on a whole new wave of emotions. I started feeling a lot of anger towards my mom. And a lot of regret and hurt knowing that my dad and I barely speak...and it could have been different. I barely know my father I feel like. And I am scared to approach my mom and discuss it openly...which is odd because we ARE really close.
Part of me really wants to know what happened because it might give me some closure. Then again I don't want to know because I am scared to be hurt all over again. So here I am, over 20 years later, coming from a broken home. And I deal with these emotions quite frequently with no outlet. I have spoken to a therapist a few times. And it did help at the time so it might be reconsidered again.
I read the story on here about how your friends always want to be the ones with the worst story. I feel your pain. Going through these emotional changes is tough stuff. It's a rollercoaster no matter the age you are at the time of the divorce. Many of my friends came from divorced homes as well so luckily we could connect that way.
My mom remarried about a year after I married my husband. And has been married since. My stepdad has 4 children from a previous relationship who mostly feel like neices and nephews to me...probably because I was all moved out at the time and didnt get to see them much since we moved across the country. My dad and his wife also got a surprise at the ages of 51...a baby. So I have a 7 year old sister haha.
I am trying to see the positives in all this. It's made me who I am, and no matter what i love both my mom and dad. But with that divorce comes such a high price. Broken relationships can be fixed...sometimes. But usually theres those scars divorce leaves that no one can see.