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Coming From A "broken Home"

I never realized how coming from a divorced home would effect me. I am now almost 29 years old, and my parents divorced when I was 6. I didn't start noticing the long-lasting impact until much later on.

I don't remember much at all.  But I have a few memories that stand out, and I feel like I am there in the room. One memory is of me in the kitchen, I was on one of those little bikes you scoot around with your feet. My parents were there, and my neighbors were there. There was a lot of arguing, and I remember my dad punching a hole through the kitchen cupboard.  Another memory is of my parents sitting down with me and my brother (who was 2 years older than me) and telling us that they wouldn't be living together anymore because they couldn't get along. And that our dad would be living in an apartment. I remember begging him to stay. Saying that me and my brother would go in our rooms and shut the door when they fought. 

I have many memories of visiting with me dad. I was never as close with him as I was with my mom. The divorce could have been a big part of that. I think that since it was pretty much automatically decided we would live with our mom that at a young age I took that as being abandoned. That we weren't wanted, he wanted to move along and find a new family. My brother had several behavioral problems growing up. He gave my mom hell. He did not want to see our dad at all for a couple of years. So I remember going to go visit my dad every other weekend alone many of the times. My dad remarried about 5 years after my parents divorced. My brother didn't care for our stepmom much until we both hit "adult" years. I think as adolescents we saw her as trying to replace our mom...and held some hatred towards her for that.

My mom worked constantly after the divorce. Working 2-3 jobs at a time. We never went without but one thing she would never do was ask our dad for more money. I don't know if she was too proud or what. I think back in the day(like it was so long ago haha) she got less than 400 dollars a month for child support. Never went to court to ask for more. So at an already awkward age of being a teenager I was always self-conscious about my clothing, hair, etc. 

My mom had a few boyfriends I can remember growing up. They would start to get really serious and then there would be a break up. It would never be really explained, but I felt like I was the caretaker of the house. Worrying about mom, cleaning, cooking. On top of that I saw the amount of trouble my brother was getting into so I had to put forth extra effort to "be the good kid".  I got good grades in school, did some extra-cirricular activities now and then. But to be honest I felt so socially-exempt. I was always scared of what others thought, to the point of making myself sick. I remember skipping school one day in the 9th grade to hide in my closet. 

Now, I am married myself, for 10 years. And we have 3 children. Marriage has had its ups and downs but coming from a divorced family really puts the pressure on you to not repeat the past.

I still feel socially awkward, I feel like a hermit half of the time. But don't know how to move past that. I learned just a couple of years ago that my mom may have had an affair with the neighbor prior to the divorce. Then it brought on a whole new wave of emotions. I started feeling a lot of anger towards my mom. And a lot of regret and hurt knowing that my dad and I barely speak...and it could have been different.  I barely know my father I feel like. And I am scared to approach my mom and discuss it openly...which is odd because we ARE really close.

Part of me really wants to know what happened because it might give me some closure. Then again I don't want to know because I am scared to be hurt all over again. So here I am, over 20 years later, coming from a broken home. And I deal with these emotions quite frequently with no  outlet. I have spoken to a therapist a few times. And it did help at the time so it might be reconsidered again.

I read the story on here about how your friends always want to be the ones with the worst story. I feel your pain. Going through these emotional changes is tough stuff. It's a rollercoaster no matter the age you are at the time of the divorce. Many of my friends came from divorced  homes as well so luckily we could connect that way.

My mom remarried about a year after I married my husband. And has been married since. My stepdad has 4 children from a previous relationship who mostly feel like neices and nephews to me...probably because I was all moved out at the time and didnt get to see them much since we moved across the country. My dad and his wife also got a surprise at the ages of 51...a baby. So I have a 7 year old sister haha.

I am trying to see the positives in all this. It's made me who I am, and no matter what i love both my mom and dad. But with that divorce comes such a high price. Broken relationships can be fixed...sometimes. But usually theres those scars divorce leaves that no one can see.

inwisc inwisc 26-30, F 27 Responses Apr 25, 2010

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I'm only 15 and my parents divorced when I was 9. Just this year I have finally accepted the offer to go to therapy. I have only had 3 sessions so far and it has helped me so much. I have so much unresolved anger towards my dad and my mom too. I'm incredibly glad I chose to deal with it now because I could already feel tensions bubbling up to the surface. So if I had waited until I was in my 20's I dont think I would be doing so well. I know how you feel(sorta), it sucks. A parents divorce is something that sticks with you forever and you are reminded of it everyday(if you still live at home) My dad has a new wife and she's nice but it's really hard for me because she is trying to be my mom and she's NOT! Anyways seeing your parents divorce at any age is not fun. I hope you can get closure and resolve your problems :)

Judging by your name we live in the same state. Go Bucky! I feel for you in this situation my mother is in her fifth (Yes I said 5th marriage) and my father divorced from his second. I guess it's easier said than done but you need to let it go and get on with your life. You cannot control the actions of other people and feelings are over- rated and not to be trusted. I may feel this way because I have been through it so many times that I just stopped caring but I can tell you I would never let the activities of my parents (past or present) affect my marriage which I hold so dear. I wish you well and hope you can make the most of your own relationship.

I am 14 and my parents divorced when I was 6, too. I am ust beginning to realize how this affects my life... my stepdad is being my dad and its crazy bs.

This story Really annoyed me in no way did that count as a broken home! It sickens to hear people complain about how easy they had it !

I agree divorce can be a bad thing for children but it can also be a good thing. To put it to another side my father was cheating on my Mother and also would not allow her to get a divorce. Yes, back in those days a woman could not get a divorce without proof in court that he is cheating and I mean solid proof ie... pictures. My dad was a truck driver and was away a lot and the sad part is and not because of his trucking but because he was living with his common law sweety and not with my mother, he would disappear even up to 3 to 4 months at a time and just show up when he felt like it. He would get my mom pregnant again and leave again and yes sometimes he would come home and my mom would say this is your next child. I recall when I was about 5 or 6 being in the driveway and saw a large transport pull up and I said to my mom who is that and her reply was oh it is just your father, he has decided to come see his children again after a long spell. Guilt must be biting his behind. With no lie when my mom asked for money to support us he said I have none in front of my mom however he handed me 10 dollars and said buy what you want. I became so angry at him and this behaviour over the years that one day I did kick him in the shins and grabbed his wallet to see what money was inside and caught him lying to my mom he had well over 500 dollars in his wallet and I threw it to my Mom and his response was are you going to let her behave that way. Even the pekingnuise dog (sorry do not recall the spelling of that) dashed out from beneath the chair and bit him. My Mom just laughed and said children and dogs know and said I am happy to see they can see the truth.<br />
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Finally one day years later my brother showed up who also lived in Oshawa where he was hiding out with this other woman came to my moms house and said I got him I know where he is. Well my Mom packed me into the car and off she went and followed my brothers car all the way back to Oshawa. We arrived at some Condos and my mom knocked on the door and he opened it and there he was in his undies and she was standing behind him in her pajamas. Snap she got the picture she wanted and got her divorce.<br />
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I am just stating that divorce sometimes is the better thing rather than kids seeing fighting over money knowing full aware that there is cheating going on and an absent parent by choice that only shows to see his kids but does not wish to pay support. He only wanted to stay with his sweety and only came when he felt he needed to see us which sometimes was often and every weekend and other times it was good bye till whenever.<br />
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It is up to the parents to be true in their decisions if divorce is the better or the worse decision for the children. Chances are if it is not good for you to stay in the relationship it is not good for the children either.

Your story rang very true for me also. My parents also divorced when I was pretty young & vulnerable. I was 10 & my brother was 8. I remember my parents yelling every night, as soon as we went to bed. I got so scared that I jumped from the doorway onto my bed, I thought there were boogie men under my bed. I flanked myself on both sides with all my stuffed animals, for protection. I think it was better for everyone when they divorced. It was a difficult adjustment though...My dad had worked the night shift for years and I didn't know him well. I was very close with my mom and amazingly, the courts ordered us to stay with dad because he could support us better. The other crappy thing was that mom & dad both said the nastiest things about each other. Things that were contradictory and I didn't know who to believe and it caused me years of trouble trying to figure it out. Finally, I realized I would never know the whole truth, but I could take the best of each parent and try to incorporate that into myself. I ran away a few times, and stayed in some group home type places where they had therapy that helped me alot. Helped me to become my own best friend. I realize now that these experiences have made me a super strong person. I've forgiven everyone and gone on to build myself a very happy life. AND, due to my experience, I'm totally committed to my husband. I work on building a better marriage every day, and on being the kind of partner I'd like to have....I think that we are all scarred in one way or another, and that is what grows us in compassion and strength & beauty. It is a part of the rich tapestry of life....

what you need to do is rise above all of it, forgot what it had done to you, stop blaming others for what you've become. its YOUR life you have every opportunity to live it your way! if being a broken home affected you its cause you LET it affect you. stand up and rise right above it. its past its over, say goodbye to it at last and move on, you CAN do it, the choice is up to YOU. ~ Raven

My parents divorced when I was really little and people always give me this really sad look when I tell them. I always say that it doesn't affect me, but it does. I do feel sad when my friends talk about their dads, or when I think about my mom being single on her own.<br />
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I'm a bit too young I think to worry about marriage, but I agree with you that there is a lot of pressure when you're parents are divorced. I think personally you would feel like if you absoluetly have to succeed in your marriage where your parents came up short. And in a world where 50% of marriage ends in divorce it can be really difficult. I hope that you'll manage to move past the worst effects of your parents divorce and maybe one day feel comfortable enough to have the sort of relationship you have with your mother with your father as well. It's never too late I think, for a parent to get to know their child.

Dunno if anyone will ever read this, but:<br />
<br />
I'm the 47 year-old father of a 9 year-old son who always has been and always will be the light and focus of my life. His mother and i were never married, but we lived together for about 5 years, and we split up when my son was 4. <br />
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We are both middle class earners, both put our son first in our lives, and have joint shared and physical custody, trading off every other Friday. We both work in the legal field and came up with our own simple and fair custody agreement (without involving the court system) that made sure our son was able to keep all of his friends, and his routine, and his stability. His mother and i live <br />
one mile from each other, and one mile from where we all lived together previously. That was part of our agreement.<br />
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I don't hate his mother and she doesn't hate me. We simply were/are two very different people who are unable to get along. I think that lack of hatred is what has helped our son get thru and live with our living situation. Virtually every one of my friends who are divorced, and that's most of them, are FUELED by their hatred towards their exes, and their kids end up getting pretty messed up because of it.<br />
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The stories I read here about dads who leave, like the dad in Alex's song, rip my heart out. I can't imagine my life without my son in it. I tell him every day he's with me that I love him "more than there are stars in the sky." Despite the fact that he's well aware that I can't deal with his mother's nutty ways and means (like how her life choices are guided by a "channeler: who acts as a go-between between mommy and "the spirit guides," as an example), he has no doubt that he is first in my heart forever, and that I would never leave him for anything. Ever.<br />
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My own parents were married for over 35 years, until my dad died at 52, a bitter and sad man. My father and I were "at war" with each other from the time I was about 7 until I moved out when I turned 17. 10 years of pure Hell. I was Honor Roll - not good enough. I was Youth Citizen Of The Year in my home town when i was 13 - not good enough. I played a 10,000 seat arena with my band in our home town when I was 23 - he didn't bother to come. He saw me as the ultimate symbol of everything that was wrong with the world (long hair/makeup, etc., I was a professional musician starting at age 15), and I saw him similarly - he being the uber-conservative, button-that-top-button conservative with no thoughts (or guts) of his own. When I was a kid, he rarely spoke to me, and when he did it wasn't anything remotely nice or positive. The last time I remember him telling me he loved me was the first time. I think I was 4. between the ages of 5 and 25 he hugged me once, and it was VERY strained. The only feelings I had for him were anger and disappointment. I often used to gleefully fantasize about my parents dying in a car accident, or at least getting a divorce, so that the brow-beating and being ignored (usually vacillating between one or the other) might finally end.<br />
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What I'm getting at, is that MY parents DID stay together, and it was Hell for me. THEY had a fine old time. It was me and my younger sister that were left in the emotional dust. But hey, back in those days, parents giving a crap about their kids' "emotional" lives was kid of unheard of. <br />
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My son has it all. Two loving parents, two really nice homes, stability, and the unshakable knowledge that we both love him more than life itself. Me and his mom just don't like each other very much. <br />
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And you know what? I'm fine with that. Is it perfect? No. Was MY childhood, with two parents who loved each other and stayed together til the bitter end better than my son's? I'd say a resounding NO. <br />
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I'm really sorry that so many posters her had such horrible experiences with dads who abandoned them, or who just didn't care, but take it from a dad, what counts, whether you stay married or divorce, is to love your kids and be there for them. Whenever and wherever. DO. NOT. LEAVE. YOUR. KIDS. Physically, OR emotionally.<br />
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Preaching done.

Take to heart what shykitte said. I congratulate you on realizing how your experience has brought you to where you are. You are now enlightened, so now that you are aware, you don't have to be manipulated by it unknowingly, or negatively. Forgive your parents. It doesn't matter why your mom did what she did, it will not change anything. You only have now. Don't live with any resentments ba<x>sed in the past. Take your wisdome, and proceed with your life, making it as happy as you know how to make it. I do have compassion for you and the pain you suffered, but don't suffer anymore.<br />
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Love.

Thank you for your account which I also find useful. I will remember it as I raise my 6 year old who has now become a victim of divorce. Every now and then he'll express a wish that we be together (all 3 he always says). And I know it's a genuine wish but I have no control over the outcome and he is learning to understand that. At least ours is a shared custody, mutually designed. I hope it holds and we can provide him with a stable life at least through these delicate formative years.

Hey,<br />
I know I am writing a comment to ur story soooooo late, but when I read it I could truly understand what u r talking about. My parents divorced too, when I was 6yrs and my brother and my sister also start behaving strange so that I always wanted to be the good girl, just like u!<br />
My mother worked in different jobs too and so our relationship never came so close (coz when she was home she had to deal with my problem-sister and problem-brother!<br />
I am the middle one....not the one who is the oldest who knows everything best and not the kiddo. I learned very early how to care for myself and when my lil brother grow a bit, I started staying outside with friends as much as I could, just to escape from the problems at home. <br />
The relationship with my father is not too close as well so I always mostly counted on myself...what I still do now.<br />
It came out that my mom cheated my dad and unfortunately my "stepdad" (they never married) too, which affected our relationship in an even more bad way. This is some time ago now, and it is getting better...but sometimes I still think of it and it makes me so angry.<br />
Am married for 3yrs now and I can feel that whenever my husband and me quarrel I only always think: we need to forgive, we need to be happy, never divorce and so on.... I feel like only coz my home was broken I would do anything just not to live that way again.<br />
Thats why am writing here ;)<br />
Strange, no matter where u r coming from, if u experience sth so similar, u have the similiar feeling about it too!

Hi there -<br />
<br />
Saw your story featured on Home Page of E.P. You will get tons of responses, don't know if you wanted that ?<br />
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Yes, divorce may be extremely common, but I think it can still have serious effects on children ? Finding out extra pieces of the jigsaw years later must be unsettling ?<br />
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I'm an 'only child' - no brothers or sisters to share with, and feel hard hit by the divorce. I too can remember every detail of the split up, all those years ago.<br />
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I think it is important to remember that you are a separate person, not damned to fail in marriage or any other way by your parents' problem ? Maybe try to forgive them, if you can ? Most parents love their children and try to do their best, but pressures fall on all of them.<br />
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If you get really unhappy, do seek help from a counsellor or therapist ? It can be hard to pinpoint what it is that upsets us. Do you share, with current friends etc ?<br />
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Good luck, interesting tale. Message if you want.<br />
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T.C.

You are definetly not alone.man My experience was very simular but unlike you i got over it and as someone whos been married now for over ten years knows that some people just dont get along thats life and it was for the best this happend or who knows what your dad ends up killing your mum ????<br />
just take on what you know and use it as best as you can and stop hunging onto the past not saying forget it just move on from it what you do now is all that matters as the past is dead gone forever my dad has new wife hes happy my mum has a guy she happy thats all that matters

Thank you for your story.<br />
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My parents divorced when I was young and I do not think I will ever forgive my mother for the bitterness and the malicious poisoning of my mind towards my father.<br />
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Now I find myself divorcing after seven years of a not very fulfilling marriage. One child in the middle but having learnt from my parents there is no way my child will be subjected to the crap I was. There is no way I could have stayed with my wife for the sake of the child because in the end the damage to her from staying in the situation would have been worse than the divorce.<br />
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I have inspiration in your story and the replies to it.

My parents divorced when I was seven. My oldest sister was twelve and the youngest a newborn - six kids altogether. Our parents didn't sit us down and explain anything that I remember; my father travelled a lot for business and at some point I realized dad wasn't coming home anymore. My dad appreciated me for being precocious - "the intelligent one" he always said, and my mother didn't - "the difficult one" was her adage, so I felt that I'd lost something, but I also remember being glad he was gone because he was mean, did things that in today's world are considered abuse, and I was somewhat frightened of him. My mother was quite bitter, talked badly of him, and prohibited contact with him though sometimes threatened to send me to live with him and I felt mixed about that. I'd been to Scout camp and wanted to live in a tent, cook over an open fire, and wash our change of clothes in a creek. I thought if my mom left too us kids could do that, more mixed feelings. I met my dad again after high school graduation because I was going to college and he was paying. <br />
My parents met in WWII and had a passionate story and kids interrupted, and ruined, it. Mom had always been clear that us last four were unwanted, there just wasn't decent birth control back then, and that we drove Dad crazy. In fact, much to our shock, our parents got back together for another 12 years after my youngest sister left home. My dad was still married to his third wife when he started courting my mother again. <br />
What's of much bigger import for me than their divorce is that I never had a satisfactory relationship with either of my parents. I disappointed them and they disappointed me. It took me until my thirties to realize my parents are not only my parents but people, a woman and a man; in fact, as large as it was for me, being my parents was a rather narrow sliver of their lives. That perspective allowed me to deal with them as people and change my feelings. They each took on a responsibility to their children but it wasn't love. I'm grateful to my mom for giving me life and taking physical care of me instead of sending me to an orphanage or foster care, and I'm grateful to my dad for religiously paying child support and alimony, and my college education. You're lucky to be close to your mom and I suggest you talk with her like an adult, coming from that knowledge rather than the past. Maybe you can heal something with your dad too, it's not too late. Relationships change, and end, and when we're older we realize that. Sadly, as children we expect things to be static. I agree with the excellent post from Florad - don't be a victim of the past, and I also recommend Eckhart Tolle's work. If you end up divorced, try not to see it as inevitable because your parents did but because relationships are freighted with all our expectations and assumptions. Work on yours with an open heart to ensure they're lasting and fulfilling.

I'm sorry you're going through this 'inwisc', I saw myself in much of your story. I was 1 year old when trouble started in my parents marriage, they stayed married but separated on and off until I was 14, that's when they split up for good although they never divorced. But that didn't keep my Mom from having her share of boyfriends a year after the split. I was 16 when my Mom started acting like she was 15, and my Dad was not better off either. He lived 6 houses away from us but never visited us, sent us money or nothing, if we bumped into him he would say talk to us but would never seek us on his own. He hated my Mom. I too went through all the financial grief, emotional grief and I also feel, to this day, like you 'pressure to not break up my own marriage no matter what in order to spare my 3 kids from going through what I went through. This has lead me to put up with lies, infidelity, poverty and much more. <br />
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The only thing I can recommend to you is to put you trust in the Lord, if you are a believer try to start having a relationship with your Creator right now. Faith is a wonderful thing, faith brings hope into your life and slowly but surely takes away your sorrows, it will do wonders for your family too. We all make mistakes and we shouldn't hold a grudge toward our parents, unfortunately they sow is what they reap. My 2 brothers got into serious trouble since their teen years but they never got out, their lives are destroyed by anger, bitterness and drugs, they are both forty something loners with no family of their own. I'm the only one that's kind of normal, or at least I try to be.

I'M REALLY SORRY TO HEAR YOUR STORY BUT YOU MAY BE STRONGER AS A PERSON HAVING TO DEAL WITH THIS PAIN ALTHOUGH YOU MAY NOT BE AWARE OF THIS. AS A TRAINED COUNSELLOR I WOULD NOT WISH TO GIVE YOU ADVICE FROM A DISTANCE. WHEN MY DAD WAS ANGERED ONCE BY A RELATIVES BEHAVIOUR HE TOLD ME SON GOD CHOOSES YOUR RELATIVES THANK GOD YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS. IT IS CLEAR THAT YOU STILL CARRY A CERTAIN BURDEN OF MIXED EMOTIONS ESPECIALLY THAT REVELATION RE YOUR MOTHERS AFFAIR. IF I WERE IN YOUR SHOES I WOULD WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH SO THAT I COULD HAVE CLOSURE THIS MAY BRING YOU CLOSER TO YOUR DAD AND GIVE YOU MORE CLARITY. WHATEVER YOU NEED TO CLOSE THE DOOR ON THIS PART OF YOUR LIFE SO THAT YOU CAN BREATH AGAIN. I CHOSE TO EXORCISE MY DEMONS OF CHILDHOOD ABUSE BY BECOMING A COUNSELLOR SO THAT I COULD HELP OTHERS WHO HAVE SUFFERED THE SAME. THIS REMOVED MY PAIN,SHAME AND GUILT AND SET ME FREE. YOU CAN DO THE SAME. LIFE IS COMPLEX ITS NOT ABOUT FINDING FAULT ITS ABOUT UNDERSTANDING THAT WE ARE ALL HUMAN AND IMPERFECT. BEST WISHES TO YOU AND YOURS FOR THE FUTURE

I am a divorce and now remarried with one beautiful son!! Everyday I LIVE WITH THE STIGMA OF BEING DIVORCED and it really HURTS!!!!!!!! As much as you can DONT get divorced if you can help it,as the ramifications for you will be unbelievable. You have to endure a lot of recrimination from your ex and current spouse and the coomunity at large. So dont try to hard and dont let it affect you as it can come true to haunt you.TAKE CARE AND IF YOU EVER WANT TO CORRESPOND CONTACT ME!

I'm really, sorry, about what u were made to go through. My own story is a different one , I never lived in the same house with my dad, though , it was trying during my formative yrs, i was always bitter, but i'v been able to get over it. Thanks to God....you get over yours

Hearing your story reminds me of my own situation. <br />
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My parents divorced when I was 7 years. I became a drug addict when I was 14 years old. I rebelled, hated my dad and step mom and dropped out of school. I moved in with my mother and graduated high school. Got my act together and sobered up. <br />
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I am sober and have a great job with two wonderful kids (5 and 3) and now on the verge of a divorce. Seems like the effects of a broken home and the divorce of my parents are sucking me in. I hate the feeling. I feel like a failure but I dont want to feel like this. My wife's on drugs and having affairs. I cant see how I can forgive her just for the sake of the kids, but I dont want my kids to grow up in a broken home. <br />
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I have no words of wisdom for anyone or even me, just that I will take it one day at a time and not have thoughts that will defeat me.

You are definetly not alone. My experience was very simular.. Except that it was my father who had the affair. I wont go into my story but I just wanted to say that you may want to find closure elsewhere. It has to come from your own heart based on life as it is today. It makes no sence and does no one good to dwell or try to make sense of the past. Whats done is done. You can not understand what was happening or going on with your parents so long ago. You will only dig deeper and find no answers if you seek an explaination that probably could not have been given then and easier than it could be given today. Young parents often do not understand what is happening themselves so to ask for reasoning after everyone has made peace may open new wounds. The best thing is to try to heal the pains of the wounds already opened . This comes not only with understanding yourself and how everything effects you, but understanding parenting and relationship in general. I think that you have probably healed a lot more than you think. By having learned something from the lives of your parents and by trying so hard to over come the same mistakes in your own marriage. And for that I applaud you. It takes much strength to recognize your mistakes and to over come them. Maybe that is where you can look to find the closure you seek. Because you know now how hard it is to maintain a healthy relationship, and to be a good parent and wife and daughter. Take that and try to understand further how some people are just not strong enough to endure what it takes to successfully comit oneself to those struggles. Eventually most people find that strength later in their lives. As your mother and father both seem to have found theirs. They are human they made mistakes that involved other people. But they learned and they moved on to know that. It took me many years to even try to understand my parents divorse. Unfortunatly, I did know the reasons and it wasnt until I was in my 30's that I began to change my attitude on the whole subject. I forgave my dad. Mostly because when I stopped hating him, and opened my eyes, I saw clearly that life happened exactly as it should have. my dad is still married to the woman he had an affair with, some 40 years later. To me, that means that there was something there that was meant to be. And you can not argue with God over something meant to be.

I think your parents are only human....and they were young and impetuous once. They did do rash things but I'm guessing that in spite of that, they would never have wanted to hurt you or your brother. Children often depend on parents to be responsible so they can fully be children, but sometimes there may be reasons that we don't understand at the time - reasons why they cannot be what we expect. <br />
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I've always been close to my mom and dad but now I've started to see them and understand them better as "Individuals" and not just as "Parents". It's wonderful to see the "girl" in my mom come out, and to see my dad be the man he is, not only "Dad". <br />
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I think you'll understand them and their choices or decisions better some day, so just be patient till then. Sometimes divorce is inevitable. People may become miserable if they stay together for the wrong reasons, and there may have been something lacking in your mom's life for her to go to another man. But just because they had problems with each other does not mean that it would repeat in your life. Each relationship is unique. There are well adjusted people who've survived divorced parents and totally wacky people who've been products of stable or long term marriages.<br />
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The thing is to understand what works for YOU to make YOU happy, and then work to achieve that in your relationship with your love partner. And I think another important factor is also to understand what makes your partner Happy as well, so that both of you can mutually work at making yourselves and each other happy.<br />
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Marriage is not something that you "Have" to be in for the rest of your life - its a fun and thrilling adventure that you share with another person who's your best friend. Although it may not be always easy, you should be able to enjoy every minute of it - yes, even the bad times. <br />
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I've been married ten years, its been an awesome experience for us! We do have problems, who doesn't? But we focus on the good things in our relationship, the good qualities each one of us have, talk to each other about everything and anything, tease and play and do things that we like together with each other, and try our BEST to keep the other person happy. I don't think there's a specific formula for a successful marriage, but this one worked for me.<br />
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Hope this helps. And go gentle with people who love you, they're not perfect but they're capable of being hurt. I know you will, just saying. :)

I have been through so many of the same things.<br />
Divorce with the police involved<br />
blackmail. lots.<br />
parents acting like children<br />
...and I NEVER want to repeat their mistakes or go through a divorce. Seriously. HATE it.

Such a touching story. Thanks for sharing it with us with so much honesty and openness. I come from a disfucntioning family too, which made my life much more challanging.... Soon I realized that this bad luck actually is just another opportunity to grow and learn. Every problem you face is there to teach you something, even those problems caused by your upbrining. Last year, I suddenly came across Eckhart Tolle's book 'The Power of Now' and then another miracleous book 'A Course in Miracles.' These books showed me the way. Only then I realized that I was making myself a victim of my past. They helped me to come to terms with everything that happened in the past, good or bad, and to take responsibility to what I do and feel now. Even after forgiving the past, learning to love is not very easy, but again, here is a new opportunity to grow. I hope you will learn something from my experience.

I do not come from a broken home, in fact I had the most brilliant childhood in south London, and felt very loved even though It was quite a big family (7) My partner also came from a so called normal family and her parents are still together, we have a ten year old daughter together and I always wanted for her to enjoy the same stable family as we did, but now we have split up , no affairs no arguments , just after 13 years she wants to have more free time to enjoy life ,instead of working 9-5 then housework till bed. my daughter is in bits over this and just wants us back together and says she hates being her, whilst I can console her and explain that she is still loved, and that both parents need to want to be together, she is hurting so much inside and I feel helpless.<br />
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I also worry how this will affect her later on in life, we are very close and I have shared custody. <br />
hopefully she will be fine and understand that we all need to be happy in our lives.

i knew somewat how u feel my parents fought wen i was 3 and i remeber but i was sent to live with my dad wen i was 9 and i dont rember witch scarce me bc i cant remeber alot of my childhood