well im 21 years old since ive been younger ive never really had a close relationship with my dad. never really been included in his family..
things started going wrong from when i was a baby my mum and him had problems and ended up divorcing so i chose to stay with my mum because i never had anything in common with my dad . i had to go down on weekends because a court order said so and aslong as he wanted me there i didnt have a choice. when i got older he reliased that the forcing me to be there was pushing me away and arguments happened all the time.. if ever i did anything wrong he would blame it on my mum even though it wasnt her fault.
when i got to about 15-16 i decided to give him a chance and hope that we could be close.. things went well for a couple of months i always asked him could i go down and see his side of the family and all he ever said was next tim eyour down but the next time i went down it was the same story..
last year he phoned up to tell us that he had just found out he has another daughter who is 25 that he had never knew about and wanted us to meet her ..
i wasnt keen on the idea of her being in the family but i gave it the benefit of the doubt and decided to go along. there she was an okish girl seems polite
after a few months i got engaged things changed then again he never bothered to call to wish me congratulations or to see how i was.
i then fell pregnant a month or two later and seen him once through the whole thing,., since the baby has been born he has seen him once but not botherd for the next couple of week. he has only knew my ""sister"" for a year and has already seen her more than he has seen me or my brothers in he whole life he has told us that he cant get down because of money problems but has no problem in spending all his money on pot for him and her to smoke
i cant help but feel as tho my dad doesnt care about me or what happens to me i have my sons christening coming up next month and i dont think he will come if she is not invited i wont invite her after some arguments she has started with me over my son.
i just need help to be able to get over the fact i havent got him there and he doesnt care.
i just want to be able to let go but i keep thinking he will change